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2011-10-19T10:14:00.001+08:00

What am i doing? I have no idea, i always put others first but neglected myself. Or am i simply not who i am anymore?

Whatever it is, i simply leaving to nature forces, perhaps its god or fated...

I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW ANYTHING, I SIMPLY HATE ARGUEMENTS!!

Im Losing myself and my identify!!

Sigh!!!

No 1 can help me as usual...

Hello Stranger

2011-07-09T15:43:00.002+08:00

Watch this movie before? Lol, i watched that like 2 months ago (i think) its really not a bad movie, as usual even thai movies are better than Sg-made. Well, i guess sg-made movies are pretty much localize.

Watch Hello Ghost yesterday, initially was like couldnt link up the missing parts but subsequently the ending has a twist, not sure about other viewers, such as whether they were expecting this ending or only im not expecting this ending. Nonetheless, like watching the korean movie - "yea man nu si jie" actress from sassy girl and another actor who died while trying to save her. Both are really touching, dontremember whether was anyone crying watching that yea man nu si jie 7 yrs ago but for yesterday the movie moved alot, the twist was linking all the parts that were unclear to me together into a story line, wonderful. Of cse, i cried... Damn!! But im sure its ok for guy to drop tears as well.

So Hello stranger on this blog, how come you to this blog? lol anyway im always chilled, as i had learnt over the years.

Accepted new role

2011-06-01T12:46:00.002+08:00

Well, lets just follow the flow that comes along. Lets hope im able to learn fast and excel in this area before moving out of the inventory role.

Lets revised my new 1 year objectives:
- Master Inventory Management & scope
- raise to 1.5 to reach 20 in 12 mths

A Better Tomorrow?

2011-05-26T15:37:00.002+08:00

Yeah, here i am, Yes u r right, im feeling those uncertainties & negativities.

Well, yesterday i was intending and highly motivated to pursue higher education, but now it seems not possible for now.

Now frankly, im at the lost situation.

Path almost setted

2011-05-25T10:46:00.002+08:00

After days, weeks & months of job hunting for a career switch & dilemma of a decision to accept a massive pay cut of about 1.5K also to a smaller firm.

Almost decide to further my education in Master of Accounting in Curtin and stick to my role to learn more from Adeline my AFM.

I realised i was just uncomfortable with getting stagnant in my work area and non-value adding daily routines.

Perhaps im been too critical. I be pursuing part time studies soon if everything goes well.

What i really want?

2011-05-24T15:30:00.002+08:00

I always wanted to ask and admit, perhaps i really dont know what i want, that is in regards to my career.

Weighting monetary against possible career that i like?

What should i do?

2011-05-11T14:30:00.002+08:00

Frankly, i'm stucked inbetween. My mistakes were due to shortsightness in my "strategy" and insufficient understanding of myself, in addition underestimate employment market.

Consequence of all the above, im considered fortunate to still have a job. However, its a matter of time everything come shuttering down soon.

Structural change in few months to a Fin Mgr that have an asian perspective without the flexibility of my current polish boss, this meant that every actions might need justifications.

On top of these, im not a finance person, underestimated that doing a switch in scope is as good as treating myself as a "Fresh" graduate. Drawbacks are "massive" paycut.

So what are the solutions? Im not ready to have a pay cut given my lifestyle for the last 2 years working. If im alone, i might be able to accept to <3 which already consider as 40% cut from current status.

It seems to only switch within Co and hope pay cut wouldnt happen or remains in this industry, and upgrade skill sets upon decision.

What's "your" views?

After so long...

2011-05-11T13:31:00.002+08:00

Its been like 2 years since my last entry. Good time to let the past go and people to forget about existence of this blog. This give me good opportunity to voice out everything i needed a space be it my concerns, worries or happiness.

People blogs for many reasons, for me, its when im down or really pissed. In the past, im struggling to deny that i wrote because i was emo but if u consider been at a low point of life, then im emo then. =)

Well, at different point of life, everyone have different aspects of concerns. Perhaps, 1 way to ascertain a person growing up phase is to look at what that person is worrying at a given point of time.

2009-09-21T16:09:00.001+08:00

I Have Feelings For You 对你有感觉

Well so long didnt blog, and i guess this song really expresses me. . . and kinda give me the motivation. Below is the song, do enjoy.!!

2009-08-22T17:11:00.000+08:00

Title: " I deserve - will be waiting till the day u found ur special one"

Good things come to those who wait - I Will Wait, i deserve

其实我不想做的只是朋友

2009-07-13T14:48:00.000+08:00

Title: " Mood For love "
Was reading alot of love articles today, so sweet were those little surprises that 1 pull off for their love ones. Some does simple effort and their other half was delighted enough. I thought that was suppose to be the case and be remembered n loved & treasured in the eye of that special someone but frankly i think these are not important, nthings ever impt in a r/s, irregardless how much u put in effort, if tat person wants to leave, they will leave. But i glad i pulled out allot of surprises that not many pple pull off and i did my best..

Anyway, just felt so in "love" when i read these stories today... just makes me feel love is wonderful again.. hmm..

2009-07-07T16:26:00.002+08:00

Hmm... Raining & hot weather & Nite mare spoiled my day again, today is unlike yesterday, i like the me yesterday but seems temporarily da(1) dao(2) by the nitemare... Perhaps yesterday was too "high" for dont konw wat reason, then maybve its jus a reminder that im stil lrecovering. . . .

Anyway, nvm about these kind of sad stuffs, lets hope for the better and that i indeed found out a wonderful good news to share!!! ITs among my 2nd fren that married with their first partner. Something i always wish for, but it nv will alreadyy but at least it do happens, the guy just graduate so is my classmate, and wow... im simply touched when i see the pictures in FB!! Than i msn her and i found out!!! Oh 8 years of r/s, a long way, their love withstand everything, im happy for them...!!

At least people out there, especially for those who are with their first partner ever since. This Fren happen to be my pen pals in the past, b4 i knew she was also my classmate. . . Woo-hoo!!

So Happy always and jia you for your new phase of life my fren1!!

2009-07-07T12:36:00.000+08:00

Title: " Insommia - Craig David "

never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love
But it grew from a simple crush,
crush, crush, crush
Being without you girl,
I was all messed up, up, up, up
When you walked out,
said that you'd had enough-nough-nough-nough
Been a fool, girl I know
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time, you'll change your mind
Now looking back i wish i could rewind
Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
Oh i stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Remember telling my boys that I'd never fall in love, love, love, love
You used to think I'd never find a girl I could trust, trust, trust, trust
And then you walked into my life and it was all about us, us, us, us
But now I'm sitting here thinking I messed the whole thing up, up, up, up
Been a fool (fool), girl I know (know)
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time (time),
you'll change your mind (mind)
Now looking back i wish i could rewind
Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
(without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before
(Because it)
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah (Ah),
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Ah, i just can't go to sleep
Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep
And i know that it's love because
I can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
(without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah,
Feels like insomnia ah ah

2009-07-07T11:27:00.000+08:00

Title: " Enriques - Say IT "

Don't tell me
If you're leaving in the morning
I don't wanna have a warning
If you're not here love
Just take me
Please take me for the last time
Cus baby now is not the right time
For us to be scared

Yes i know i wasn't perfect
When we fought and cried all these nights
But the passion that we have is too strong
To give up the fight

So i need you to say it if you really wanna let me go
Cus i don't believe you no i don't
Won't you tell me the truth
Yes I need you to say it
If you really want this love to end
Look me in the eye you can't pretend
That what we have is through

Don't tell me
If it's someone else inside you
Doing all the things that I do
Cus i don't want to hear
Just take me
Don't wanna feel more resisitance
No we don't have to go the distance
Cus we're already there

Yes i know i wasn't perfect
When i ran the light all those times
But the passion that we have is too strong
To give up the fight

So i need you to say it if you really wanna let me go
Cus i don't believe you no i don't
Won't you tell me the truth
Yes I need you to say it
If you really want this love to end
Look me in the eye you can't pretend
That what we have is through

Last time you fought me
I made you cry
I'm sorry

So i need you to say it if you really wanna let me go
Cus i don't believe you no i don't
Won't you tell me the truth
Yes I need you to say it
If you really want this love to end
Look me in the eye you can't pretend
That what we have is through
So i want you say it
if you really wanna let me go
Cus i don't believe you no i don't
Won't you tell me the truth
Yes I need you to say it
If you really want this love to end
Look me in the eye you can't pretend
That what we have is through

2009-07-07T10:44:00.000+08:00

Title: " Lewi Leona - Bleeding Love "

closed off from love
i didn't need the pain
once or twice was enough
and it was all in vain
time starts to pass
before you know it you're frozen
but something happened
for the very first time with you
my heart melts into the ground
found something true
and everyone's looking round
thinking i'm going crazy
but i don't care what they say
i'm in love with you
they try to pull me away
but they don't know the truth
my heart's crippled by the vein
that i keep on closing
you cut me open and i
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
i keep bleeding
i keep, keep bleeding love
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
you cut me open
trying hard not to hear
but they talk so loud
their piercing sounds fill my ears
try to fill me with doubt
yet i know that the goal
is to keep me from falling
but nothing's greater
than the rush that comes with your embrace
and in this world of loneliness
i see your face
yet everyone around me
thinks that i'm going crazy, maybe, maybe
but i don't care what they say
i'm in love with you
they try to pull me away
but they don't know the truth
my heart's crippled by the vein
that i keep on closing
you cut me open and i
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
i keep bleeding
i keep, keep bleeding love
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
you cut me open
and it's draining all of me
oh they find it hard to believe
i'll be wearing these scars
for everyone to see
i don't care what they say
i'm in love with you
they try to pull me away
but they don't know the truth
my heart's crippled by the vein
that i keep on closing
you cut me open and i
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
i keep bleeding
i keep, keep bleeding love
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
you cut me open and i
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
i keep bleeding
i keep, keep bleeding love
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love
you cut me open and i
keep bleeding
keep, keep bleeding love

2009-07-03T16:24:00.001+08:00

Title: " Learning but not supported "
I saw so much emails sent to us on enrichment programs offered by consultants which im so feel like joining to learn new things, but its like what we always learn in theory, company support learning but then employee cant really have the freedom to join them, because if u join as conducted during office hour, then end up u not able to join as pple might think "r u so free? that u joining these" , life its always so funny!! hahaha But its part of life hahah..

Megan Fox?!? lol, i still prefer Optimus Prime!! She's not attractive to me, i think she is 2 tanned!! hahaha... my back problem is here again !! cant twist n turn tat much!!! Im officially the mascot of Panda of Singapore Zoological Garden!! TMD!!! Its weekend again, yawn..!! I love Monday!!! haha

2009-07-01T16:58:00.001+08:00

Title: " I knew no 1 is dependable expect someone u love " & " I seem to view girls even more differently now "

Er, finally i understand what it meant by "as long u r happy, im will be happy, and tat i only wanted u to be happy", yes i know this recently when i truely understand whats real love is, when its ferment slowly from process below:

Acquitiance --> affection --> Like --> Love blossom --> Togetherness --> Quarrels --> Fights --> Cold war --> Break-ups --> Recovered after a period --> be come most familiar strangers --> realised loved nv gone 5% left --> true love that ...........stays and be happy for that person no matter what it is even she found her xing fu and will like wu tiao jian be there for her..Thats what i discover lately and learnt that this type of true love do exist... and im singlely feeling that :) ... Its alright, cus love need nt be asking for anything return. . . .

I think this type of love is unique, firsst time i felt it... Of cus this wont help recover myself from the pain i got from that person. Its the pain and process of recovering that i realise this type of love is so so so so dnt know how to say, maybe end of day its not love also :) but i think is so wei da and only think its wei da is love... *contradict*

Not doing OT le, though i wish too, now need find job if possible who go lobang for flexible timing between 6 to 10?

2009-06-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

Title: " What's wrong for todaY "
Today is kindda little odd, dont know, i just feel im drifted away slowly from my colleagues, i dnt really know the exact reason, perhaps because im getting more withdrawn that when go for lunch i became more "focus" in eating anyway i dnt talk when i eat, and that i slowly dont konw how to socialise and even on the sunday when went ECP, i left earlier to go Sentosa with poly frens, after tat i felt like isolated. But i think it should be me having problems mingling with others. I dont think i can sustain even a long term frenship... Hmm...

Quarrelled with my indian frens of few years, but tat i dnt think its my fault, because i endured his "pussy-ness" and shitty ways of doing things. Whatever to him though, i seldom will scold a fren and tat day it jsut occur to me, i need to vent it out!!

Back to my office r/s, i think maybe everyone thought im very free, actually not tat im very free, im basically doing my scope and 1 month project i already done what i should be doing in a way, now im trying to create the SOP for my empowerment & specimen signature which not require of me but i just do wan to feel that im adding value to what im doing now. Actualyl also dont know felt so low about things lately, not sure is it that or other things but end of day i think i know why now. ...

As for work, im going to be administrator of another paymnet system, though job scope is not clearly defined yet but im sure its not going to be tat simple too. SO WHO EVER my colleagues are out there, im NOT as free as u see im, jsut tat i had chiong all my things first, and leave the ending relaxing, is like (xian tian hou ku) i dnt blame anyone for not understanding me enough BUT at least be more open minded about everything, not only see the surface, certainly im not wasting company resources like some others did, when i OT, i do OT, and my small little project given 1 mth was complete (my part) with 22nd of the month, and the reminding is about maintaining the specimens upon receiving. Thats y now im doing abit by abit, i dont facebook till tat 1 person everyday face book and tat person once mention during dinner that "good tat i dnt have to do closing" please la u also temp staff, not doing closing only tat day u need, so whats the complain about? Me only 1st mth (though seems very long leow) so wat closing u want the company to assign to me? im learning abit by abit.

But i guess im not tat good in socialising and tat i blame myself, im trying, :) i able to do abit better initially but i felt the r/s sour abit, i think is because im 2 soft, and tat soft till i dnt have a character of my own, too much cust. svc lvl. Now i think i need to re adjust thnigs again in life ba.

2009-06-29T19:52:00.000+08:00

Title: " Who,where Are you? lol!! "

They are born between 21st April - 21st May

Even though you've been told more than once that fairytales don't exist, you just won't let it go: you're a big romantic and you carry on waiting for them. A smile, a bunch of flowers, a candle-lit dinner, a sensual kiss under a starry sky... some would say it's an old-fashioned view but you love it! You fall in love easily but you're a natural worrier and are always afraid of being abandoned. You have a continual need to be reassured in your relationships, which can sometimes be tiresome for your partners. This easy-going, affectionate person reassures you. You like snuggling up in their arms. They are of a faithful nature, and by their side, you will no longer be afraid of being abandoned. They help you to express your emotions and to liberate yourself from your fears. Before meeting them, you feel like a little girl/boy but they enable you to gain confidence and, if they were to ask you to be the mother/father of their children, you'd gladly accept!

2009-06-29T15:37:00.000+08:00

Title: " Randomisation "

Lol, someone say i not handsome loh!! hahh so sad but truth are always paainful, lol, !! nvm ren hao jiu hao!! looks not ugly can le!! lol!! :P

2009-06-29T12:36:00.000+08:00

Title: " So Horrible "

I think i look so fat and Ugly now!! Hai-yo!! sobs!!!

2009-06-25T17:42:00.000+08:00

Title: " What is love?"

Suddenly, i dont know what is Love @ this moment :). I guess i dont know how to love or be with another person :) heheh

2009-06-22T16:24:00.000+08:00

Title: " Back to Square 1 "

Im trying hard and all ways to keep be as strong as someone, but unlike girls, easier to find another guy that may love them to help them move out with, though last friday was very painful to know and see, after much analysis, the truth behind the end may even been my retribution i indirectly did to her ex "SK" b4. I know i deserved it to get those feeling n pain i cause others, but i sweared to my deepest heart that i didnt know she was attached when i fall in love with her, once u fall in love, truely, u wouldnt give up. Maybe fate toying my feeling and making me stronger. Its a torment each passing day, today its 1 mth anniversary, heart seems so pain now, i know shouldnt say, shouldnt write to let pple know how hard im trying to live. Girls like guys to still feel for them then they feel better and assist them to move on. Anyway the truth about the fortuneteller & Aust, may all have been just an excuse.. How foolish am i, but nothing i can do also :), when someone dont love u & found a better 1, they can just like simply say good bye. Nah, just tat i tried everythning, but sometimes, the pain still comes back to haunt me, its my punishment, i have to accept the retribution for "snatching" other gf and tats y i nv wanted to fight with pple even i like that person, i will "li rang jing sheng" cause i know i have a line up of retibution/ karma awaiting.

Some may argue that isnt tt not call truely like or love la, but i think if u have not fall in love, u can still refrain and mo mo be there if tat person ever needs. hehe.. yawn... u know how sour grapes taste? hahaha lol...

Pretty down today also, tats suddenly after a heavy meal @ manhatten fish, a place tat i plan to go together with kushibo, now although all colleagues going but i felt im sitting there alone this afternoon, i realise im become more withdrawn into my own thoughts today, hope its jus some sub conscious thought of my own..for today. Planning to go Thailand with some, another takers? lol... It be a challege somehow.

Yesterday someone reminded of me the incident, i also felt im a total changed person, to a very dejected person, maybe im trying hard and its really painful, i understand, i jus hope anyone can pray harder for me... Pray myself relieve of all sins ba... A man is sinful anyway. . . .. Anyway, today im feeling pain when i type this, i shouldnt have but lets not avoid things but to accept , tats wat im trying to be!!

Title: " Hope....Just a hope "

Maybe im been intro a few good songs but those are pretty emo songs though...!! Sometimes in break ups and lost in a r/s, what a person really needs is a "hope", All it need to hope is that someone still really care n will love that person, tat the person will be there for tat person, someone tat belong to them. This is also to explains what it meant by a rebound r/s, or rebound gf/bf. Which why thats the catalyst for recovery, but a selfish act i guess. Anyway, i dont think i have a hope for anything ba, i have to go the long way, hehe... that the opportunity cost of giving 110% in a r/s, thus once lost, u realised u have nth to turn to but the image in the mirror when u look into it.

Mind you, its not self-pity but self-realisation instead..... Truth is always painful, day by day let it pass by ba... *God Bless me*

2009-06-20T01:33:00.001+08:00

Title: " She's gone & found a better one "

You are gone now, it pains me when i walk u out to the new person car, good car, mpv... Glad u move on so fast, happy n sad for myself... thanks for everything, the feeling is horrible when u make up so pretty gonig datin and to malaysia with him to eat.. im jealous for sure but i guess my heart its deeply cut..

2009-06-19T11:51:00.000+08:00

Title: " Case study between - S & R - What's happening lately to R/S? "
Is it because when we are in a r/s, we didnt notice or is it an epidemic of r/s thats happening now? As though its like Swine flu or SARS for r/s? Those that are strong will prevail, those that are weak will end just like mine. Recently, had heard of dozens of r/s issues. each of these i can "feel" it, i know what to do as a 3rd party, but just tat lately, perhaps im affected by this sad epidemic myself, my judgement and capability to help us sort of distorted by my mixed and harewired feelings. There are few i really wanted to help, especially 1 i heard of personally yesterday nite @ ECP, wanted to go back by 1115 b ut in the end im really wanted to help but i couldnt find the right words and right advise so i stayed till 1215.

Because i wanna stay as diplomatic as possible in my advise, i can feel how she is feeling and that she's in a position tat person is in when she made tat decision to leave me. But the only difference from yesterday person, is she truely love him, no matter what he had done, i can tell she undertable had given him another chance, and when see him, she mesmerised by him. Somehow i took it personally, the transformed to another person is her true inner self, i took it personally because it made me ponder why can she not give up despite losing all faith, trust & security for a future with him, all necessary to take the r/s to a greater height, she still clinged on and treasure all moments and was damn envious when see her lying her head on the guy thigh and chatting away, tat i think haave not happen to me b4, reallyt envious. going back to her, lets call her "S".

"S" transformation can only reflect her love for this guy "R", i can only say this "R" dont know how to treasure, im sure he will regret when "S" eventually gather the courage to leave like "tat person". And i know when will tat be, it be when she see things herself that she not suppose to see & when another major breach of trust occurs. No point advising her on tat yesterday, cause it will not go in, 1 day she will know. If tat happens, sadly, another person in this world goess into the process of recovery like what im hoping i be able to achieve. "S" approach to conflict management is the right way, so if u reading this, dont doubt ur way, although different pple approaches differently, certainly our methods to self-abuse is not correct and reason for this type of abuse happens to because "WE ARE in a dilemma and struggle whether our ways of handling things in the r/s is it correct or not, resulting in what i call an inner "conflict of interest".

This inner "conflict of interest" meant that within our cognitive thoughts we know we are using the right ways (or doing the right things) but the other half responses make us in a state of doubt because simply things cant be resolve and other half tends to be more hostile in the response that make us doubt what we think is correct become wrong therefore, causing people to feel lost, pek che as we dont know what to do @ that point of time, u felt extremely helpless and thus sadly for those that dont know how to express properly will self-abuse in a way of "bang head to walk, punch slap own face. throw things."
No solution but only awareness of the situation and experiences tell me that person not suitable for u and that during sub-conscious self-reflection after the r/s, will then you realise is so stupid to do all these and cause damages to our own self, and this also an indication that we love ourselves less. That is also till recently did i realise how much i dnt love myself that much, but thinking 2 much to other.

So "S" is blinded by love now i guess, and that the heart & mind goess different way, the mind thinks logically now to end it, but the heart follows her emotion and feeling to stick on and "walk 1 step see 1 step" approach, as wat the heart "tells" "S" to do is , just maintain status quo till "nexxt situation" thus resulting in wat everyone saw her change in behaviour when "R" came. Guess some frens were asking among oursevlves inside the room, why is she like tat, but perhaps only i totally empathise and understand the reason for her change, which maybe she didnt even see herself. . This call fallen in love too deeply, there is a danger spawning if eventually the "R" chose to end first rather than "S" which "s" should be the 1. . . .

As for "R" analysis was, indeed like the "S" said, he do have some kind of attitude, from his eyes i think from the family problems, he's somehow affected as well, and he dont socialise tat much. This might poise criticism from those tat deem him as anti-social. I did try to talk to him, he did manage to reply me without problem but directly to my question and maybe very bei dong. Im trying to find tracks of his love for "S", the period of interacting with him was brief, no much finding about him towards the r/s but perhaps he wasnt those type tat will express his inner feeling explicitly, but very much in other words bad in expressing, which align with his so call "anti-social". However, wat i m thinking was, tats y "s" need to see little details and ponder the reason why for those detials/actions such as, why he most probably dislike mingling with others(such as "S" frens) because he may not feel comfortable with socialising, still willing come down to chalet after work? (perhaps u both had arrangements) But what i m not comfortable with was the trip to Thailand, should include the other half for leisure, it be fun!! But what i felt sadly, from a guy perspective, they dont wan their other half go falls in 2 categories,
1: If he goes alone - he wants to think thru his life, r/s and he kind lost too so he trying find "himself". 2: if he goes with frens (espeically jus guys) and this seems support the idea of "when there is once, there bound to have twice" ideaology. and overall, if u love a person, i think it should be something like "J" - The complicator in this situation, to spend as much time as possible, but perhaps not so extreme like what he is doing, but something like tat, (maybe u think back, is "R" like tat also at beginning or just take the "honeymoon" period as beachmark.

Because again personally i think any r/s should be honeymoon period, maintaining the first 3 mths of wat the r/s is suppose to be, so 1st 3 mths set the type of r/s the 2 pursuing, like if u tends to give surprises either mthly, quarterly, half yearly or just annually(how boring) lol, anyway, once u set it, u odd to maintain it, anyway it is achievable, i have maintain for 21 mths but sadly, i learnt something out of my latest r/s, anyway, again out of this case.

"s" i know everyone will tell u, u "deserve better, blah blah," but i know inside ur mind u know the "you deserve better is him, tat u willing hope for", (got wat i meant?) End of day, my this entry maybe crap to u or wat, but most importantly u must know urself, wat u wan out of this, and dont be influence, because these voices just use it as an input to ur brain as guidelines for your thinking and rationalisation rather than words that supports ur decision, so do only have your own perceptions, thats very critical.

This entry is a self actualisation process for the person-in the situation, as this entry dont tell u wat to do or how to do, but it will triggers the thinking process, at least i hope, so you able to put urself in the case and see what can u actually realise.

Last but not least, thanks for introducing the "坏人" song to me, and hope you enjoy and treasure every momen,t because if it unfortunately end, ur effort to do ur best n treeasure (like wat u been doing now and like yesterday) u konw , u did ur utmost best, i can tell u did alot struggling, at the beach, u fighting ur tears abit.. JIA YOU

2009-06-15T20:37:00.004+08:00

全世界都停电 & 如果我变成回忆

作词：姚若龙
作曲：Tank
编曲：洪敬尧

"I miss Bangkok!!! "

连你都会残忍隔绝
我的心能要谁了解
眼中烛光摇晃着熄灭
为何把我推向边缘
被砸坏了的一切
卡住了我让我无法往前

囚禁在距离笑声最远的房间
单独隔离寂寞地盘旋

全世界都停了电全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面被贴上黑夜
我呐喊思念却没人听见
绝望到极点剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了电全世界白雪满天
才发觉在我心间有回忆碎片
一作梦翻身就刺痛流血
我蜷着身体缩成一个圈像一个句点
转载来自魔镜歌词网

连你都会残忍隔绝
我的心能要谁了解
眼中烛光摇晃着熄灭
为何把我推向边缘
被砸坏了的一切
卡住了我让我无法往前

囚禁在距离笑声最远的房间
单独隔离寂寞地盘旋

全世界都停了电全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面被贴上黑夜
我呐喊思念却没人听见
绝望到极点剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了电全世界白雪满天
才发觉在我心间有回忆碎片
一作梦翻身就刺痛流血
我蜷着身体缩成一个圈像一个句点

如果我变成回忆
曲：tank
詞：陳信延/施人誠
累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中不听话的就停止了

听着呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越美丽越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏都难掌握

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你我不怪你

快乐什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的最舍不得

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你

如果我变成回忆最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气霸占你心里每一寸缝隙
原来依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平请你尽力把我忘记

2009-06-13T15:49:00.002+08:00

Title: " IR Dealer-ship "

Yesterday went for the IR dealer interview, was hestitating whether to go for the sake of experience, fortunately i went as it further level up my understanding of HR and my lack of exposure to this world.

I was pretty taken aback by the screening process, i didnt think i will be taking any test so "quick" but in fact, i was asked to do a Maths test comprises of 50 questions!! So i manage to compose myself, so i will be able to do the questions and the rules was NO CALCULATOR, NO EVEN Workings, can only use mental sum!! Like, wth!! haha..

So end of 20 mins, i just right finish the paper, and i was hoping my only aim for this interview was to score for the maths test, those percentage Questions are the questions that im most no confident but i hack care, just apply wat i think is correct. So after this, they will proceed with the preliminary interview, slowly 1 by 1 was called, thats when i start to worry, "what the hell, cant be failing this test right?" hahhaa until like left with 7 others, did my name was called , *what a relief* !!

Proceed to be interiewed by a restless, speaks softly & impatient macau interviewer, apparently flew from macau to interview us, hmm.. it was like a good experience, of course, doing things w/o effort bound to fail, though results will only be out in 2 weeks, i knew the chance was slim and even if i got it, i wouldnt accept it unlesss they are saying about 5K a mtH? *dream on* Anyway, was an experience and all worth with the investment from the IR HR team, because its in Sisso merchant court, happen to be very near my office, and a team of TL from the casino itself.

I knew i failed because i talk crap and like fail to "sparks" the interviewer whom she is still sleepy and my guess is, she suffering from hang over or its sick!!! haha

Irregardless, now in office 4pm. ...

2009-06-11T08:46:00.002+08:00

This article its from www.lovingyou.com. I can reliterate point 4 strongly, but i empathise the person who initiated it. Hard to face the person you are about to ditch, so there it goes again in life, theories are after all theorties, far from the reality.

6 Ways to End a Relationship
by Jessica Padykula
Ending a relationship is never easy, even when you’ve truly had enough and you’re ready for freedom. But there are ways to make the deed go as smoothly as possible. If you only remember one thing, let it be this. Break up with others as you would like to be broken up with. Other than that, here are 6 of our best break-up methods.

1. Be honest
Whether he ends up believing you or not, being honest with whomever you’re breaking up with is the best way to go. Tell him why you need to move on and answer any questions he may throw at you as honestly as you can. Think about the times you were dumped with no reason. How did you feel? It probably frustrated you wondering why, when things appeared to be going so well, he decided to end it. Be fair and be honest with him.

2. Pick the right time
Some poor choices include at a party or any other social gathering, in the car or doing a mundane yet domestic task together such as grocery shopping. Chances are, he’ll be caught off guard no matter when you break the bad news, but if you do it in the frozen food section, he may have a much stronger reaction that if you do it at a café or in your neighborhood park. There is never going to be a perfect time to break up with someone, but try to have as much control over the time as you can, rather than blurting it out over brunch with friends.

3. Do it in a public place
This minimizes the chances for chaos. If you’re in a restaurant and there are people around, he will be less likely to fly off the handle and cause a scene. If you’re alone and he freaks out, you might be more likely to cave and call the whole thing off. Being in a public place may give you the confidence you need to follow through. Plus, when it’s over you can just walk away, rather than trying to get him to leave you place.

4. Do it in person
Do not be that person who ends a relationship electronically. Breaking up with someone via text, email or even over the phone is totally disrespectful. Even if you can’t wait to be rid of him, at least have the courage to look him in the eye as you dump him.

5. Make sure you are absolutely ready to do it
Not being totally sure of your feelings when you go to end a relationship can mess with your heart and his. If you’re not completely certain that it’s the right thing to do, you’ll confuse him and make him feel like he still has a chance, or worse, you’ll lose him when you still have feelings for him. Be totally ready to cut the ties or risk more heartache than necessary.

6. Take the high road
Chances are if he doesn’t see it coming, he won’t be happy with being dumped. He will curse at you, call you every name in the book, and make you feel like hauling off and punching him in the face. Restrain yourself. You’re leaving anyway, so just take a deep breath, nod politely and then walk away. You won’t gain anything by goading him on or giving him the satisfaction of knowing he upset you.

2009-06-10T20:06:00.001+08:00

Title: " 1 Hr Dinner Break "

During 1 hour break just now, i went to suntec to "san xing" saw many memories, and think my hair was horrible, n got strange looks, nvm i already cant be bothered. Was pretty inbalance today, perhaps the "calender incident". Many things went thru my mind, at last i cant bear but to load 2 songs, BY2 - Wo Zhi Dao & Tank - Ru guo wo bian chen hui yi" , These were the songs related to the "amaggreddon of my past", When the By2 song came out, my tears cant help by flow out, didnt outburst, just that the pain within me suddenly overwhelm, and emotionally unstable.

Was thinking alot things, some stupid passion suddenly came flowing into my mind, last project? Why am i still caring n thinking for someone that already treated me as history n moved on, just dont understand why i dont love myself enough but to love her more than myself. Its unhealthy when she already moved out of the r/s but im stuck with some kind of vacuum that i couldn't find my way out. Most probably and pretty sure today she might be going club. . .. . Sometimes like now, i ponder, why things have to turn out like tat, im such a loser, *come on loser, live with it!* Such a loser for clinging on to thin air. I live my each day in memories, but indeed 1 thing is clear, that is girls are not worth been good, no wonder those guys that cheat on girls, bluff girls, 2 - 3 timing their partners, will be the 1 laughing at the end, because they won even their aother half leaves, WHAT MORE IRONICAL is, girls tends to cling on to these guys. Come on man, what this world become? Girls treasure those tat treat them like dirt and treat those gems like rubbish!!

Nah, think im jsut "fa fa lao sao" at least i trufully live in love b4 ba. . . . I did what i really can, ...... In the end i was 20mins late going back to work, LOL... Cause i went to The CAthay to help Eugene they all get cheaper tickets.... Life's dull, its black & white now... When will the colours be coming by??

2009-06-10T15:58:00.000+08:00

Title: " Suddenly realise "the" birthday is coming "

was looking at calender and screening through the dates of July, haha, so by randomly of sub-consciously i remember her birthday is coming,. I used to plan her birthday like National day committee, where they will start to plan the next national day after the last national day. So i was planning after her birthday last year. This year i decide to cater to her 21 birthday like all 21st birthday, had been consolidating contacts of her closest frens ever since i have the plan "drafted" out. Because its 21st birthday and knowing she prefer a bigger group of frens, intended to plan a bash for her, hahaha that time was still headache where the finances will be coming in from. Now i dnt have to do anything, and once i tink of it, i wonder "how she be celebrating" and wherther will she be happy n enjoy her birthday? these suddenly worry me, but now i guess its not my problem anymore. And silly me, i should know better she will be happier now that she have all the pple in her life. . . . . .Its ok la, i should worry about myself, every year im celebrating myself ba only last 2 yrs? but wats the pt, i prefer consistency. Anyway, i be left in a stupid dilemma that i created myself suddenly, whethe to msg or meet her but i guess not, i be very disappointed n sad. Guess July will be a test for myself already, must be like her so firm n wu qing, lol, no la, im the 1.

Now kept thinking, n analysed actualyl i now know no 1 likes me at her side, guess they thought i snatch her from the frens, but i guess, everyone's in a "serious" r/s its like tat, just like some tat some of them also become worry about this n that. Hahaha... Its only nature to my actions, but any of the frens (the girls especially her closest frens - Hui) dont blame me or wat, i didnt snatch her from u girls la, in fact i felt u all snatching her away.

K, jsut those emo moments, lol, haha... ......

2009-06-09T09:04:00.004+08:00

Title: " 7 Long Weekends in 2010 "
Wow, next year we wil lbe expecti ng 7 long weekend next year!! Woo-hoo, its good news for full time staffs, never get to enjoy holidays as in PH b4 as mostly my PH have to be unpaid since its all part time job. Feeling should be great!!

First of all will be the CYN 14th Feb 2010, it falls on a sunday, good for those attached, lets say especially for the guy!! Lol, since they can save $$ for have the excuse that "all shops" are close. Hahaha.. When i see that, there is till "pinch" in my heart, and a smile of making a gd decision. As those close frens may know what happen last V.Day, and i glad despite knowing in near future after she graduate she leaves @ least i created a history, a memorable history of the most "outrageous" surprise for her. This news about V.Day falling on a CNY further foster my decison that time, because IF we are together still this coming V.Day, im sure i have to wait yet another year to materialise my V.Day plan. *applause* for myself for a gd decision.

Other the other hand, it be a horrible V.Day i assume, been the fact that she be leaving by then, mostly her last CNY in Sg ba, and i hope i wont be thinking tat much. . . . .Of cse hope by then i m like her, moved out at least 3/4.

Now is 904am, time to go work!! :) *i love working*

2009-06-09T09:04:00.003+08:00

2009-06-08T18:32:00.000+08:00

Title: " U message 1 msg i msg 2 long msg "

I think im a cockster!! lol, pple msg me maybe 12 words sms, i replied 2 set of 3 smses altogether, my heart breaks again. . .i heard it shattered again... but no choice, i have to take it slowly, dont stress myself. . .i wont be like her, forcing herself to get over, im sure she will be successful, but i hope i be fast but i cant so i take it slowly... now is 634, maybe go for my 1 hr break than come back...

2009-06-08T17:45:00.000+08:00

Title: " Gotcha @ Robertson Quay"
Went lunch with colleagues to Central, saw @ the bridge there is a couple, the guy on bended knee with a 3rd party holding bouquet of flowers. Then while be diverted by the crews to walk side pavement, saw the girl "reject" the guy, with each party feeling "sad" leaving the "victim" dont konw what to do? Lol, though it was the first time i saw someone went down on bended knees to propose, i find it sweet wor, haha.. cause it be life time with tat person, i will have the life time to take care of her already...

On the contrary, i think there is this misconception of many married couples, which recently i heard of, apparently only 1 such case, but for the sake of consistency, i find this as a common problem in many marriage. Firstly, either partner will have a perception or cognitive thinking that, "yes, she/he is mine now, nothing will change", indeed is correct and true but tats if the time turns back to 20 yrs ago? Things change, so does r/s, now tat thinking should be eliminated!!

For me, i think its the chance to even bring ur r/s to greater height, i believe i will want to treat her even better to make her feel she's the most xin fu person on this world. rather than the recent story that the guy jus simply dont care. Now that she wants to call it quits the guy dont wan, hai. . . . .

Title: " Everyone's deserve a 2nd chance "
I got 1 colleague, her bf recently told her he likes another girl n wants to break with her after like 3 yrs plus, but i guess the other girl reject him, thus he look back for her and now much better to her, and everyone in the office thinks she is "poisoned" thus her bf nick of "poison" but i totally empathise her, and i understand how she feels and she too eventually forgive him n gave him another chance. I think everyone deserve a 2nd chance. If everyone thinks she was "so silly" to want him back despite his doing, only after ahwhile did i realise her plight totally reflects my last May only tat mine kidda 3 times heavier in the "mistake" i remembered clearly, i thought tat was it, i can nv forgive a person like and to tat even worst extend then my colleague. Anyway, after so many days apart tat time, i was thking, wat teh hell, if love someone u jus throw everything away, dignity, ego etc, as i made this mistake with the 3.5 yrs, so i forgave her. we got back even stronger n better and though ironically, its like a 2 sided sword that on 1 side we had better n greater time, our love moves up sstronger tat time, on other hand, tat time i knew, god presented a chacne for me to leave, but i didnt, and with that it bound to be more hurtful for me. With tat awareness, i ddint blame my decision last May, but view it positively n tat like a leader, we makedecision based on tat situation n that day, tat seems to be the most visible n correct decision. Whatever happens now its just destiny that we are not fated, im a person tat "zai hu tian chang ti & chen jing yong you" whats the point of chen jing yong you when from the beginning I building tian change ti jiu, perhaps its my philosophy in r/s that i meant serious stuffs.

Irregardless today tat colleague was saying she e going bangkok,haha tat word its so sensitive, but immediately the memorries flew back, i was telling her the places to go, it seems that im more excited than she is!! hhashaha. . .DOnt know just full of Thailand coming back :) ...

These are sweet memories that i believe it stick with me 4ever, though the memories to u are been put to the back of ur head n u focusing to move on, all the best, i take my time, no rush ba. . .. savouring the aftermath of this once i thought it could last .... :) Though with a prediction of the similar ending, as human, i hope it will not come true, but like the Blockbuster Movie " Harry Porter series ", my phoprechy came true ...

2009-06-05T16:58:00.001+08:00

Title: " Anyone could but never me "

Is there some kind of misunderstanding? I find it funny, who ever could have psycho u, why ur mind is so weak, lets take example, this "sales executive" interview which based my experience that is some "cheating" firm that waste of time to go down. At first u believe but pple call to say "give u 2nd chance" then u jus go dwn n then tell me its really waste of time. hahaha.. why cant u stick to ur own mind? IF SUCH A GOOD JOB THEY WONT BOTHER "psycho u to go down, obviously is some kind of spam to bluff younger pple w/o much experience for their free labour. Nonetheless, i dont konw how to reply u, even a simple stranger can change ur mind, but not me, hahaha.. its so so so ironical right? Kindda angry but what n who the hell am i, moreover, u no longer who i know leow, u treated me coldly n really pains me to konw u no longer love me....

Perhaps is time for me now, dont say i got pple da shan simply i dont have, but u earn something for going, got to hear compliments from some guy that u r like an actress, hahha tats good for u, anyway, girls are all same, they like thesetype of guys, then those bad @ talking like me, have to talk to myself!! hahaha I m sure b4 u go, u have someone new, at the rate of u moving on, the proportion is 50:1.
God is fair is always wat i advocate, perhaps god make mistakes too, as NOTHINGS perfect..

God damn mit,
i must not care who trying to hit on u,
i must not bother who is with u
i must not worry u be cheated
i must not think how u think

But

I must move on like u did
i must stop missing u
i must stop thinking of u
i must be as strong as u r now.

But im still loving u unlike u!!

2009-06-05T14:14:00.001+08:00

Title: " Sadly it has to be this way "
Why didnt it occur to me earlier that you actually dont love me already. I didnt think tat n kept thought it was for my good, but only did i realise the painful truth on Monday that my love for u was strong n hot, but urs already died off way b4 we went Thailand. Its really sad but guess the truth its always painful, hard to digest, hard to believe and very hard to apprehend altogether. Everyday im doing things related to u, going places we went b4, these now became sweet memory that we once shared.

Who would cares how painful am i feeling, certainly not u anymore. I thought there was something about u n me, but it came down to my imagination. I came across this song by James Morrison, it somehow reflect how i was been pushed away, the saddening part was i didnt even know i was pushed away yet literally im trying hard to "savage" what i thought "we" deserve for the final moments together. Never did i believe or to see it was me that was rooted firmly into the ground where u walk out, within 1 week u already moved 3/4 of urself out of our r/s (perhaps my r/s). Calling u naive and silly can only seems more suitable for someone by name of Edward. Im naive whenever im in love, because im throw myself into the "Ai He" (Love River). Maybe i think i dont know how to love another person another way, cus thats already the best way i think deserved for the 1 i love....

Though sad & disappointed u moved on so fast, im glad u proved u r temporal, lol, jus kidding, its good to be move out, me try but hard, Also sad to see u like tat during tat 1 week, i sometimes wish i can be like girls, they can so easily distracted and get over!! hahaha. .k shall stop blogging here now... :) By the song i embedded in my previous entry is James Morrison - If you dont wanna love me, some lyrics so suitable ... :)

2009-06-05T11:43:00.002+08:00

Title: if you dont wanna love me

(DEDICATION FOR YOU my LOVED Ms Shermin)

when you lower me down
so deep that i, i cant get out
and when youre lost, lost and alone
yes youd think it was the last place
youd come back for more
if you dont want me to leave
then dont push me away
rather blow out the lights
you can watch it all fade
but im going nowhere
im gonna stay
when you just wanna fight
when youre closing your eyes
cause you dont wanna love me
im gonna stay
you cant push me to far
theres no space in my heart
where i dont wanna love you
and when theres no stone
then how can i feel the corn
if theres nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
then what is this feeling
that keeps on bringing me back to you
so im gonna stay
when you just wanna fight
and youre closing your eyes
cause you dont wanna love me
so im gonna stay, yes i will
you cant push me to far
theres no space in my heart
where i dont wanna love you
and if you ask me to leave
and i walked away
wed still be alone
and wed still be afraid
im going nowhere
im going nowhere
cause im gonna stay
when you just wanna fight
and theres tears in your eyes
cause you dont wanna love me
im gonna stay
all the tears that ive cried
i could leave them to dry
if you dont wanna love me
could leave them to dry
if you dont wanna love me

2009-06-05T11:37:00.000+08:00

Title: " Exams Results "

MAybe what you aim n hope for wll eventually comes true, maybe it may not, but if u keep trying 1 day it will, although this sentence meant more for telling myself nv give up trying in any r/s that i eventually might have someone tat truely loves me n apprecieate me as me. Even if its not coming true for some reasons as an act of god to punish me, i guess its alright too. But for this case im referring to my results. I aim and tried to score HD for all my modules, but on few occasions i m 1-3 marks away from achieving it. Perhaps, a turn of luck for scoring 80 exactly for my staffing organisation, although a guide was provided but i did some research on HRM notes, frankly SO notes was horrible so i need prepare from HRM perspective and moreover the case study was very adhoc and even more MC the case study i nearly died and gave up doing but fortunately i didnt.

This was the finale not the best but next best thing i guess, HD was attained for my SO, i did think i conclud very well during the paper, i still remember that day after that, miss someone went AMK to study for GM and suddenly my sister called her n to play mj so i was lucky to see her n come over to play mj n spend more time tat monday. I still remember i was pretty sick but hor mei ren really care la during tat time lol.

Ok lets not get divulge from the "topic". So overall was quite happy becus of the result though this time i got no 1 pei me celebrate with me but to contain all my happiness to play soccer @ robertson quary with random men!! lol, actually glad i finally graduated and the shit life begins now facing everything alone and no longer got someone i care n tat wil lcare ba, but is alright la, she happy can le!!

Boo;...!! Dont talk about impossible things, just update my results and etc nia.. my life wise evolves around others hehe i realise i dnt love myself tat much :) I always thought so!! hahaha

2009-06-03T11:30:00.002+08:00

Title: " Sadly its the same "

Roller coaster lifestyle, but seems getting more insight that im the 1 rooted into the ground with the other party already move on. Its clear, previously i had decided to throw away all dignity n egoistic thoughts but just to hopefully spend more time, it seems simple decision but i had to gather the courage. Irregardless, even i volunteer to b someone "underground" so tat i can spend the final moments with u, but was also put onto pending list. Hehe, :"(. I m silly, i thought there is still 2 sided love, but each day i realised its about to be 1 sided love soon. Same reason, if u care so much about something n u about losing it because of environmental issue, at first u feel why, but as the "why" self questioning part is over, the hope to treasure any time together even more.

I assume they just scare i influence her & tat want her to recover now first. I cant believe u konw, im like the villian, i saw the frens when in AMK yesterday, 1 the Sister" frens tat met her for dinner to assist her not to think about us, saw us , n gave me sickening face, as though im a murdering, it hurts me quite abit, saw her good fren but pretend never see us, she saw her tat gd fren can tell she wish she never was in AMK with me. Im such a disgrace to everyone. . . Still pains me!! Did anyone actually feels for me? ? Maybe they do not have the right information or maybe i was a pest all along... No 1 helps to defended me, no one on my side... hehehe . .. Somehow i know how she wish she dug a hole n hide so no 1 see her. I understand she told everyone n everyone ask not meet me, tats y she felt she neglected everyone tats helping her... can u feel or consider for me? Jus kidding, its alright, i understand tats how r/s works ba, once u less feeling n diverted ur attention, its like this.. . . .

Im Bounced back to day 0 of that friday i guess, just like its normal for those tat fu chu alot, their heart become soft when see tat person n ur emotion unstabilty in order to recover slowly bounce back to none, and all starts again. lol, its i just wan to treasure the final time that might have. Watched terminator, i felt already its the last movie, but i didnt enjoy the movie tat much becuase i scare the movie will end so fast & i kept turn n look at her, knowing i dnt have much time left to see her, my heart sank when i recall. . .Whats love? i really no longer understand ... Aren't true love suppose to hackcare everything for the love, then i guess is not love anymore.. But its still very much for me, i let it pains me till death ba... Im far to dejected n disappointed in life also...

Title: " Feeling horrible "

Maybe heart attack is like tat right? but jus tat 1 short die, mine is really killing me slowly, its torturing when comes to matter of heart. How i wsh im like everyone pass tat stage i not sure how long more can i hold on, i feel like im areadly going give up, im tired of all these terrible feeling. I know its my fault as i made the choice. . . . .How come pple can move on so quickly, i think because tat person have many frens to pei n spend time with.

2009-06-01T10:35:00.000+08:00

Title: " Find my way back into Love "

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I 've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just do not see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
oh oh oh
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

2009-05-30T13:57:00.001+08:00

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪
(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤
(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点
(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪
(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤
(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点
(女)如果相爱是错
(男)错过又算什么
(合)这一次我们
宁死不放手
往彼此的心里跳
跳过天荒地老
wo oh ...
只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

2009-05-30T03:57:00.003+08:00

"Title: Grand Finale "

I Did my best to even wan to savage, i know im useless but tats my version of love, even i konw u r leaving me in Jan, i know i be hurted n i willing to try hard to survival walk till this last moment with u, tat wat i wan to tell u tonite, but u turned me down . MAybe i not good at expressing myself.

But my intuition though very sad but somehow know u did it the best of us, but perhaps when u watch thru the starlit u realise is no longer the case, n the real way of handling is towards epsisode. But u didnt give me a chance even to commit suicide, love is not like tat i guess, our love will be half way, so i wan to mark a good ending when u leave...

Now its too late, ur mind all the pple that stops u from meeting me, that dont help me, but im sure they wan to help u, is ok human r selfsih, but my love for u is not selfish.i dont care they wan u better n i dnt care about myself, though i love myself but i realised i love myself more.

My family was sad, mum eye's bag tat few days big too, dad speechless.. chester same, chase for food. But the worst affected n desvasteed is me, ur past... i cried till got eye bag...everynite harbour for a hope to see u 1 last time, 1 last moment with u..

I know im too late, everyone already pollute u, n im jus a stranger now, but to me u r nv, u so close to me. . . . I know u might be doing me a favour for not meeting even its for ur own sake, it doesnt matter, now i do something for u n me, we dont contact anyone in any consequences and i will try hard not like today called u n got the type treatment.

But no matter how u treat me, i just wan let u know b4 anything, i uses my truest of heart to love u, day 1 till tat day and even now, i once promised i love u till the day u dont love me, it still applies, although now we became 2 loving person and dearly missed person within 1 day n with 1 week, im already history, then let us be miss n loving each other this way, perhaps tats the only love left, i will be a stranger n pretend i dnt konw u if i bum into u on the streets but after if i do walked pasted u, all the memories will be back n my tears will dropped. Though u be leaving in JAN, im sure u meet someone better n when tat happen if u see me, either u run or i run, i dnt wan to cry infront of ur guy!!

Is ok, im a good guy that 1 day someone will learn to love me n hold on to me n treasure me... U too, u a good girl, u deserve even better guy, me not good enough, my family also not good enough for u, hehehe.. but on behalf of my family who most sad was mum, they all used their true heart to say bye....!!

Today onwards, pls know whn u away, at least u know 1 guy once put everything on u n plan everything for u, just for u .. .. .. after this moment i know i can nv see u, so thnaks for the 21 mths 10 days, i will live properly and i wont disturb u or contact u. . . . .n dont contact me too, cus u dnt need me around... give me time i wont bother u le :)

Last but not least, all the best ...

2009-05-29T14:39:00.001+08:00

Title: " Yi Han ."
Lately heard so many break ups and oh my, alot of pple finding backup b4 ditching the other half, i think i cant advise the whole of this world. Whoever told me i just advise the problems might b at where, worst another colleague after knowing this "tall" guy then start to question her choice on her bf of 4yr. True enough is right the guy might take things for granted, but after u told him u wanted to end, he change for the better, u must give the person the chance but not because u tempted by another guy who like i mentioned in previous entry that the guy not giving the unbia advise. Actually all depends on whether the person PERCEPTION to r/s ba.
I sometimes wonder will i live in yi han anot for not figiting for the closing moment but thing is i wasnt consulted at all prior to the decision im kept behind doors and u didnt consult me or wat u even told me u not flying but i konw tat time telling me tat is for my gd. N even tat day u say about meeting i wanm but u the one say say nia! hhaa

Anyway think i more jialat becus of this issue im facing, this critical period, first time pple keep asking am i not enough sleep? and later did i realise they say i got eye bag, actually since from exams didnt really sleep well!! haha..Tats y first time i got eye bag, Got a miss call from JX dnt know y msg no response, must be tat girl was late meeting JX in Orchard but JX called wrongly. Nonetheless, i dnt konw ba, no sms from her today, not sure good or bad, good for her surely to have slowly gotten over.. Good for her!! hhahaa As for me? GEtting more ugly, eye bag, fatter , poorer, full of debts... Yawn...!! I Hope i have not muchYi han

Title: " 1604Hrs - Cloudy with sun, Hot "

Dont know whether am im tired or wat, i think so, When JX miss call me, i dont konw and she really so li hai, so fast gotten over haha.. good good, Sometimes i dnt know what can i do,its like i do wat also wrong, Hai.. Eyes with lens is kidda pain n jus cant take it out yet... Wonder wat she is doing ... :X ops, told u all le, till afternoon hor, emotion starts coming in, hahaa.. ahya dont konw la, maybe im 2 free!! hahaha but i be busy soon but guess doesnt matter it makes me maybe more xin ku.. hahaa...

2009-05-29T11:51:00.001+08:00

Title: " Advise that makes me ponder a moment -- > i comment later."

i think u are an emotional person who believes in loving so much so tt u are very emotional --> perspective on me
for practical sake: 1) u spoil her,
2) tt's too much effort
3) u can spend more time on other stuff, other den love --> like financial reporting now, Quarterly or half-yearly
sometimes when u date, u muz know if the person wana settle down anot mah --> dont jump into any r/s so fast, no more love @ first sight,

2009-05-29T09:55:00.001+08:00

Title: " Im Girl's Jie Mei & Imperfect perfectionist "
I think im just any girls Jie Mei , hahaha maybe im too femine or im giving good advise? I think im very "man" la, hahaha but soft from outer projection. Someone when having some problems suddenly msg me this morning tell me that bf nv send her off, haha hai, i wonder y? But im sure after so long of trial & Error that i derive my method or even any ones' method of loving other person is correct, is just that pple HAVE to meet the wrong person, just like usually the first job is not the correct job, we all dnt konw wat we want, we will learn only from these faults and to teasure the next partner, THATs why i always think with my style of loving, i m only helping their NEXT partner to last longer with them and with me end up always been alone, cus my way of advocation, may not be perfect, which satisfies the saying of "nothing's perfect" it ok that if u wan to fine - tune to better cater to the overall well being of the r/s. But my experience now is, no matter how well u fine-tune n change to improve ourselves in the r/s that is not acceptable it, eventually will not contribute to the bottomline of the r/s IF tat person dont see ur effort n apprecietae ur change and effort than in the end tat person will leave. My dad once said, pple take taxi will ask driver drive faster n etc and when kanna Traffic police, the person the most say thank you n brush their backside n go off, i guess it jus goes the same to r/s ba to someone that passerby, they cant see ur effort n etc.

But i m helpful la who ask me in service line in past, its part of my acumen leow, anyway, i lvoe to help pple in r/s problems, even if i like tat person i will give unbia advise and usually i dont encourage anyone to give up n provide alternatives to them to savage or perhaps see it in a few perspective n scenarios!! Really, cus i know the feeling or been influenced by bad advise that is self-dealing behaviour!! And since i have not much faith and now no faith at all, heard about another lady about to divorce and heard her story also, from her side of story i can tell this MIGHT b a typical guy that loses interest after got her, and its 11yrs different!! wow...!! But sometimes i wonder are these guys thinking of marriage to tied a woman jus to possess her? thinking tats the answer to "forever" this wat i felt so suddenly that supports this concept. However, i strongly dare to differ that marriage is not the key to forever, but just the beginning of a partnership n more effort to work things together, meaning marriage should be of greater committment & love together, because its a new phase but i guess if 2 person (lucky to meet n get married) should have the passion n put marriage first so to make things out, and not to "relax" because they "Thought" they got each other, the process of discussion on the details of marriage should be 2 person watch the movie "Bride wars" u understand the difference between the 2 key couples what im talking, u able to view as a 3rd person view where u able to see how the ideal marriage approach to be. I wish somehow i able to marry someone i love n i can feel she loves me 2, if not i dnt think i wan to get married, because im the type that only wants to marry the girl i love n she treats me with love cus i know myself well, i cant sustain a r/s that i dont love that person...

2009-05-29T09:13:00.001+08:00

Title: " Bu Cong Ming & my dream "
Received ur msgs but i dont know what u trying say, im scare leow, although i wish we can watch the movie together but was thinking the method is we buy 2 tickets sits separately away from each other? Anyway u really improve alot leow, as in very fast get over me, i must learn from u also, anyway i also dnt konw wat u wan, make me messy but u say u also suffering because u love someone tat u need force to leave, why it happens if u really love"?? So i guess thats not me..not me that u love. Just like in the Starlit again was watching Episode 16, since 13 or 14 till 16 now, its talking somehow about us, too bad im the ke lian Yi Xin, not the Ah Yue (jerry Yan), but it shows u will be meeting someone in future like Ah yue, but if like Yi xing also ok, i be "ford's" regional manager!! whahaha thats an accomplishment !! but tats so far fetch @ the moment, all i hope is a better future for me n u ba, like yi xing i givce u my blessing like wat i wrote for the final words, BUT MS XU, pls open ur eyes the addrress to the blog is written somewhere that parts of this blog as a dedication to u!! haha U still ask me where is it.. haha..

Its sad that i had to relive each day different feeling n emotions though none really happy but only the 2 dreams i had yesterday nite n the day before, Dont know is it Jim Beam or its a time where i everyday will be awoke by a dream live by us happily STILL thats makes me sad thats y i usually woke up like striking better than first prize n only to be awoke suddenly maybe my mind told me "Edward dnt be stupid anymore, its impossible, u r jus like Yi Xing" hahhaa perhaps y the dream stopped. Must be the jim Beam made me imagine things. . .. . I told myself not to look @ msg but i cant help but to see whether tat person got msg anot, i read abit, n went back trying to sleep as its like 5am. ..!!

2009-05-28T17:45:00.002+08:00

Title: " You be better, i can feel .. "
i can feel u r recovering, each day ur msg is lesser n when i reply same, u dnt respond to it, haha.. ITs ok i know tats the hard way to move on, hehe i hope i will be able like u, However, glad to see u msg few chinese characters , translated to be " im not feeling tat freedom after leaving" immediately i know from the song Jay Chou - "Tui huo " maybe u singing K with JX? tats good, i glad u recovering, i try to, but i need more time than u, n when watch the xing xin de lei guang - Starlit, i feel so bu she de n wasteful but again, how can a chess piece of ur chess set be able to do anything? maybe u r 1 chess piece but u r the "queen" in the chess piece, but im like the solider nia, hahaa got the picture? ahaha

If i can turn back time, i wan go back to 2 extreme spectrum of going our first trip to "GENTING" and to our recent trip to "BANGKOK" hahahaa...

Woo-hoo!! !! !!

Those were the time, now u know y at times lately u feel i like impatient, these are sign when i know the r/s is ending already..

Title: " Your Msg Came in "

time is 1940Hrs when u msg came in replying my previous msg about the song, haha, glad that u r doing well, i wish really wish u would use love to love me n time with me to let me prove the world u be the luckiest woman, but sadly, i can only send u till last wed n u want me stop been good to u, irregardless of the reason, cus it doesnt matter. i sure u will be better without me, somehow i think with me also unlucky, I hope i able to be someone's special 1 like i treat the other person like tat, i believe can if i keep believing, 1 day some 1 will apprecieate a guy like me, but tat person odd to have gone thru more down than me, only tat she understands the happiest of things like tat.

Anyway it may not be, but i willing to imrpove my shortcoming and its improving only ended i look back then i realised i had achieve abit but its not sure whether this can be brought forward to the the future, anyway still long b4 i talk about future, a long tedious process has to be done n ... 2028 now gtg

2009-05-28T17:02:00.001+08:00

Title: " If u are reading it "

suddenly realised something for u, somehow u walkin ur sister old path to be have a marriage that will be arranged, can u tell the end result is also like tat.... hehe but none of my business, cus if u happy can le ba. . .. . Remember like wat i wrote in tat blog, do stand up for urself n do wats u think is alright ba...!! hahaha.. all the best to u...!! Hope ur arranged marriage is good, im "rachel" the 1 jsu like ur mum dnt like about him n ur sister actually listen to be forced into marriage n now "happily" after, we both know not really happy la, she came back SG to find rachel, can feel the love still not end yet... but it only reflect the motives n family reunion n the strength of the elderly in ur blood, mine is diff, i respect old n elderly, provided they r correct n its really benefit to us not all need listen, must know wat u wan ba... ..

its 1701Hrs now!!

2009-05-28T10:00:00.003+08:00

Title: " Wednesday 1000Hrs - Sunday , Light Wind "
Had a nitemare but this nitemare already came true but there was a part where things improved, i awoke @ 437am, i knew i cant fall back asleep. I used Jim Beam to numb myself to get to sleep, tats y if i woke up, i will have problem falling back sleep, if not wrong it took me like 30-40 mins b4 i dozed off but guess next thing was my alarm rang. My eyes hardly open but i have to wake up, cus im going to Work, im so happy to work, work work work but alot things to worry again also, and late afternoon, things might come back. Lets hope its not tat painful, but unless all these pain im feeling will simmer down soon.
Yesterday was a hopeful but eventually played out by pple, someone claim wanted to see me n saying misses and hope see me from 1 corner, but i gather courage, i say to meet, i was happy though i know it will worsen myself. But im like a toy, pple say wan i ok, pple say dont wan then i had to listen, so in the end i still walked from DoBhy Ghaut to far east n to cineleisure n to somerset and back to orchard , u know wat? hoping to bum into her, but all these moment thinking why am i not awoke this was all a freak joke n i bought a slurpee, and my cough is back, n i slept about 110am.
i dont know whenever i think of the things we suppsoe to do, i feel so jus pain n helpless i guess thats makes everything painful ba.
now is 1024.Hope i be better n wake up from my dreams

Title: " Wednesday 1204 - Sunday , Cloudy - Some sun "
Time really slow down, its been so long yet time is still 1204, i know if u work n thinks like tat, this job its really not for tat person. Hai, its not suppose to be this way, i hope to strive n do my best now i can only give 25%, because about reminding 75% its my heart & mind, my heart overtakes my brain in these situation. Suddenly these hours im been teleports to the memories.. Ok ok i shouldnt. but i think thailand came back to haunt me... its painful but i have no choice... i deserved all these..

Wo hao nan guo suddenly... Shuo gone jiu gone... Lately make sometime to watch the Starlit the whole series, got alot parts seems relevant to me and i think is so true on wat Yi Xing says n between the lead female.

I dont konw they went lunch, i came back up cus they going eat very ex food, and the emo-ing moment is here again,...Its frightening to get into this shit, no wonder alot dont wan be in r/s tat needs love. I m a love animal, Virgo, what to do but im hurted till im dont konw wat to say, time pass so slowly....

its 1241hrs now. maybe go eat @ 1300Hrs ba.

Title: " Wednesday 1248 - , Raining "
Think previous entry i put wrongly the day, i put sunday, suppose to be sunny, nonetheless, here im, btw it rains jus now, ...
j ust feel so sian when it rains, actually @ this hour very much like tat... tell me how can i speed up the process of pain, other pple already move to final stages to recovery, jhahaha... yawn... Sorry if reader reads till also sian sian!! haha im emo^king.. haha...

Nothing really matters i guess, life nw is pale n plain, like me, getting out of shape as in dnt know wat i doing everyday...!!

Title: " Wednesday 319 , Cloudy - Life's a chess game "
Now listening 933 got 1 song really make me can be sad haha.. hai.. ok i know when i m really happy b4 after since? what to do? im a chess piece in others life, when the players decide the game to end, the chess pieces will be kept and abandon, maybe many years b4 they are used by anotheR? Its too extreme but now im in the period of been abandon, next month i might not be that free to blog, so treasure the moment now...

got a so call small project & 2 concurrently ongoing job scope, u see when i study my master degree 1 day in HR i bound to use this experience, that how HR role is so dynamic, the school cirliculum already outdated, at least for the HR and job scope, job scope now is "adhoc" basis, that need pple do 1 thing at a time etc unless u r high flyer n specialise la, for pple like us, operative level of the org. we do watever shit.

Its 1600HRs, everyone always busy but soon i might be like them, today they teach a new template, then i have to take my own notes so i know how to do Journals update, haha like in next job i at least learn all these, hahaha so i have practical experience in Finance environment with basic accounting and taking up ACCA in my pipeline while im equipped with HR n Marketing. I just need be patient, i believe i be successfull if im not lazy n do with all my best, n i want everyone in this world who looks down on me or turn their back on me to regret but i still shower them with help if there's a need, because im "walk the talk - lead by example" Without grievance, anyway i think im dreaming!! LOL.. But Beckham once said " He lives his dream, and must be daring to dare to dream.." but hor im day dreaming, is there a difference? lol!!

2009-05-27T20:11:00.000+08:00

Title: " Im so Foolish "

U know, i took up the so call courage n risk losing all my efforts of the long long 5 days i been through when i hear the other person say how she wish can see me, ya ya my heart all soften and when i say to meet, i somehow felt i be turn down, hahaha tats y i say im a fool, i nv learn my lesson, when i "thoughht" could meet, my pain somehow gone, but after in which the pain all came back!!

She says she bum into 2 fren and the fren ask her out, and there she goes with them hahahaha... so funny but nvm she say i dnt udnerstand her n well, hahaha nvm i getting even not udnerstand waht is love n myself so wats the big deal of not udnerstanding, u know even now i thought i might see her dwnstair waiting hahaha, u konw tats something call "dream on"

2009-05-27T17:19:00.001+08:00

Title: " Different Frequency + Less Resistence "
Each day im getting less refrain, every Smses it seems a small plaster that mend the broken heart slowly, which will also eventually plucking off the plaster resulting more pain. How 2 persons end up like tat? We both really have different frequency, im hoping for a mircle that if it happens and last till end of time 4 all, i b vegetarian for every sunday. . but we all know we both got different frequency, she trying hard to move on n for gets me, here i m in a circle blindfolded and walking around w/o correct direction, it sucks to only the 1 hope things will improve.

No longer about initiatives or whether i want, now even i wan, im as though applying super glue n having to pluck myself when eventually it all materialise again. So end up i have nothing tat i can do expect to hope for things and result that nv will come n hoping to recieve the sms but it dont help myself. Life kind of playing a likttle joke on my love life. Is always Bu Hao walk.

I know now all u wan is quickly move on and on, & right now im rooting here like a mad man, when see ur msg of misses, i do misses u n longing for u and just make my heart sinks. We are so near yet so far, each other can just hack care n meet n when we meet the sparks n like the north koreans firing the missles, same goes to us, that y is so near n so far... hai..

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHY

must u destroy something we call us n that is improving to a future (my own view only), how come.? hai..

2009-05-26T17:45:00.000+08:00

Title: " Break Up is like Hang over"

End of a r/s is like hang over, we become high n happy, but when its over, its like the feeling of drinking hang over, when we feel so sad and desvastated, i really dont want have these feeling anymore, i dont wish to be like tat, but pian pian i need to be like tat. Its my retribution...

I have no mood to do anything now, im wondering y we have to end up like tat tats all, how cum my life have to be suffering these kind of thingy time after time, . . all these came naturall rather than i force it. What type of punishment is that ahr?

Hai.. Punishment loh still got wat type...im going crazy!! I think is my fault eventuall, later got 1 hr break dont know what can i do.. hai... i simply has no feeling to do anything now... apart from... see u... *damn useless edward

2009-05-26T16:36:00.000+08:00

Title: " i wish i could turn back hands of time"

i thought yesterday was feeling hungry in afternoon, so today i try to eat n hope i dnt feel that horrible, but today the pain n torture seems painer, i have not accepted the fact tat much and not doing that well, its usually other parties like to hear, i know u be better soon with ur actual determination i can see, all from start, is only we thinking too "optimistically"

At this moment the only remedy is to be with the person tat cutted the heart, only tat the recovery is instanteanous, but unlike her, she can, becauseto her she already determinded to get over, me leh? rooted to the ground like a statue!! i now hate myself for feeling so horrible man!!

I smile to other only to still be painful inside, i forgot when the last time im happy, it seems so far ago cus each day is like 1 year..... my mind is all about the moments we had now... pondering what can be done though nth can be done.. hai.. i wish i could turn back hands of time...

2009-05-26T15:55:00.002+08:00

我听着你最后的要求
分手后彼此要好好过
我知道你跌坐在门后
收拾着你自己的难过
因为爱情我们都努力过
只是到最后分开对你是解脱
就让你走不留什么
我手中的香烟也只剩一口
再没有理由叫你再回一次头
爱像水在你手中遗漏
回到最深的海洋之中
就让你走没说什么
只因为我知道你仍在我心中
心隐隐作痛
不想你看到我难过
只要你能够从此快乐
就别想我该怎么生活怎么过

Title: " If anyone love other one truely "

I understand u trying to make me feel better by saying wat i also feel very much to, to reconcile happily, but u said u konw u cant, of cus u konw u cant, cus u r leaving for gd. Is tat love? ? Love in the movies always say "wei le ni hao" wan see u happy then let u go, hai but sometimes is because of agenda, like my finall words to u, posted the link somewhere in this blog, i forgive u but jus angry when anger gone jus like the enhance personal response change model, im in anger n denial stage as well as bargaining why... i m not really depress yet. . . went Central today, heart sour n pain when walked past the mini donut, n pass those res that i thought bringing u go after i get my pay..

u mentioned u wanted find a job so u can get occupied meaning not to think of us, so im still in period of self denial, im so positive when comes to ended r/s yet negative b4 it ends so odd a guy im. Although im working my soul n heart all at different place. Cus the things im assigned i done leow which suppose to be finished next wed, but maybe i slack till sat then can work more OT then tell them i finsihed on sat. lol. So technically not im slacking, is more like im efficient? LOL.

So sian, really very sian, every moment now im complaining, why there is r/s in the first place....If love is like wat i always wanted, simply 2 person in love and have a family will enough, i think i wil be the most xin fu person but now i m the most tong ku person.

2009-05-26T10:56:00.001+08:00

Title: " Reputation where to put "

You know whats more evil things that about all this? After all this pain i be suffering soon, i knew i was back stabbed even worse to the core when the reason of ditching me was because im too controlling to her, but it was not said by her, she didnt response to my that msg, its really disappointing but predictable that the masterrmind (the Mum) went spread the end by telling everyone i was too controlling thats y she her daugther ditch me.. . . . Just becus to cover her (mum) her ulterior motive and the truth about the breakup. I dont think it was im controlling, cus im been trying to improve and i did improve abit, but if the other party ever thinks so than i will keep quiet ba. Anyway, Egoistic Perspective as a human nature to engage in self-dealing interest, i dont expect u(the mum) to say the truth but at least to say a muture decision, and not expect to be claimed otherwise and make them (other party & mum) to be the victim, how evil is tat? Hai, from this i realise this world really got such people, i know is at their relatives but i met most relatives b4, but i m those type tat dnt wish n hate been frame and yet if i did wrong i will be admitting it and to accept wat pple says about me.

Its worst than Organisation Politic, n again im helpless to do anything, n only try ask the other party to do a favour if possible not to say wats untrue but need not tell the true of the ultimate reason but jus some other reason.. I think is only fair like tat but i guess is 2 late now, everyone might think im a bad person, but is ok la, now everything u all might be successful i at most hated and b the villian,. . . someimes this kind of "Qi" is so unjustify when u have make so much effort to change to a person and to savage n to make the r/s last but at the end of the route not only did it work out but im tagged as a villian.. Hai i dnt know its sad enough now the "salt" rubbing on the wound.

2009-05-25T19:37:00.007+08:00

Title: " Managing Change Application: Change Model & Personal Response Stage "

I know exams are over, school term comes to a halt but to me i think i will adopt a more realistic view, learning just pause for me because learning is only about to start. So now im going apply a model that may be fading off or still vague to some of u but this particular model i love it most. Because before im exposed to this model, my mental model did have a vague idea about this graph projected in my mind, meaning i understand that personal change response is something like this.

So above is the Change model & personal Response Stage used in managing change. Basically, this model help us to monitor personal response to change over a timeline, this timeline will be affected by an individual experience in life, that is, i.e: someone undergoes major changes in life such as Retrenchment or Restructuring, that person will adapt to radical change more smoothly and faster. In practical application, in a r/s issue or this instance my breakup of the r/s, this can used to monitor progress and estimate time left to accept but accept doesnt necessarily mean recovery, i going create an enhanced model of the initial model known as Enhanced Change model & personal Response Stage(R.S) to illustrate that only with the acceptance of the end of r/s can any recovery process begins.

- How It will work:
Denial Stage:
This have to be that if a person still in a self-denial mode, they will nv able to process recovery that fast and the fact that the transistion procress from denial to anger is inclined because there is the tendency of any individual to slip back to the initial stage of denial even that the person is about to reach the anger stage theortically.

Anger Stage:
And once any individual make the break thru from the denial stage, they starts to feel angry about the whole thing and start to blame themselves or finger pointing and the point they in a dilemma n tired that they moved to the next stage.

Bargaining Stage:
Individual will now find excuses for all the blaming and finger-pointing behaviour in the previous stage, they wonder why all this happen and this can apply the contingency perspective to change dilemma only i feel in another way of application. That means, people now wonder the classica "what-if" questions, such as: what if i was better, what if i did this what if i didnt do this, and the list of whatif questions just goes on and on... This is the bargaining stage which life Tuckman team dynamic model of Norming stage.

Depression Stage:
Time of the pain starts haunting u once again, lowest peak and the reason why it leads to acceptance stage is simply supported by a saying "at the end of the tunnel there is light" meaning usually after the worst moment of this incident u built up defensive system and u become stronger after each tear we shred off.

Acceptance Stage:
The late stage of the process but the begining route to recover stage, because like mentioned somewhere in this entry, we need to accept the painful fact before we can recover though. So after we accept the fact that we no longer struggle between denial, anger and bargaining about the truth we learn to accept and oh man how i wish im in this stage now, but im like far from it. I

Things to take note about all stages:

First things first, they are closely related, overlaps & interdependence that irregardless, any moment and all effort will eloped and evaporate when the "past" surface, such as u see the key figure (the ex) even better than b4 like with another guy or key figure (the ex) came running back to u begging for forgiveness, then good luck, u most probably demote/downgrade back to the initial bargaining or even worst to the denial stage and here we go again

Non-liability & Disclaimer : Above is a theory that is self-experienced and analynsed by own analysis after years of path in this "industry" so use and read @ ur own knowledge...

PS: After a nite, today i realise the model need not be follow to rigidity, because the context of this enhanced model circulates around R/s and perhaps just take note that the stages are closely knitted, and that sometimes first 2 stage might interchangably, such as, people when at first experience anger first b4 they act in denial follow by the rest of the stages.

2009-05-25T19:37:00.001+08:00

Title: " Victim of the Month of May Curse & Plot "

Every moment i gather new insight into the whole "plot", but though of a different plot n diff time of MAY, somethings not change, im still the victim of others plot. But only up to be to use this as a plot to enrich myself n take upon any opportunity to ensure everyone that ever looked down or given up on me will be thinking back, "why did they let this go". I wont know the future, i will try my best n remind myself as much as im in a clear mind that i need to accept the fact and to improve myself. I dont know whether will i able to but i at least i know thats wat i need to redirect as the goal and i need supporting objectives which i will look into.

Things are gonna be history, i still in the past...

2009-05-25T17:36:00.000+08:00

Title: " First Time for Everything "

Last time i used to tell myself, i will die if i have a r/s where the girl will study oversea, perhaps, really this is a new learning point for me when making a choice & to be open that anything really will or can happen. So the choice left would be, to delay the pain later on or to suffer now? Been Edward, he will try think of the best solution, such as whether is there a need? but in any case, i wasnt given a participation for even discussion, supposingly i m supposed to be the last to know but now that i somehow saved my own ass i really wish there things will be on a better note, so that at least i know the truth, n i supposingly again been Edward, i will proceed to sustain the very last moment of the r.s however yet again, the forces around her stops her, her mum, her sister must be comtemplating against that as she will be suffering over there. Woo-hoo, i think i m a gd analyst, i think these was the ultimate reason, attributing to her thinknig she was selfish, as mention in my final words on day 0 of the hearing the news of beeen ditch, my stand about ur decision has not really change, i still wont blame u n u be forgiven, because (explained already).

My mind feel differently each day, today im harbouring positive thoughts of getting back till the last day she leave, yet based on my latest analysis i guess its impossible and till this moment my analysis of the whole situation is 95% accurate, given that, the last part of their plans or the ulterior motives though not concern about me, might eventually hurted the foster family, that the remaining 5% of their plans (the master mind - aka known as Xiao Zhang(principle)) to reunite after the oversea studies. If that happen, my detail analysis back with logical supports will be 100% accurate, that i guess will hurted 2 additional elderly + a family in SG, while the remaining pple will say bye bye to the small Island call "singapore".

Of cse i wish by then i wont get to see tat ending, cus i dnt wan those in SG left to be suffering this, 1 person might broke down. . . . I saw her face b4 when this was mentioned vividly but she also a kind sole like my family wouldnt see this coming, or maybe they do, but nonetheless jus hope by then it be not of my concern anymore....

Still Hurts so much... :( im weakling!! TMD!! :O

2009-05-25T15:24:00.000+08:00

你累了没有可否伸出双手
想拥抱怎能握着拳头
我们还有很多梦没做
还有很多明天要走
要让世界听见我们的歌
准备好没有时间不再回头
想要飞不必任何理由
不管世界尽头多寂寞
你的身边一定有我
我们说过不管天高地厚
想飞到那最高最远最洒脱
想拥抱在最美丽的那一刻
想看见陪我到最后谁是朋友
你是我最期待的那一个

可以一起闯祸一起沉默一起走
可以一起飞翔一起沦落
不管天高地厚陪着我
陪我一起大声狂吼
想飙到那最高最远最辽阔
想唱完那最感动的一首歌
没看见那天高地厚不肯放手
因为我有我想要的朋友
你是我最想要的朋友

2009-05-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

Title: " Each different day, I was getting naive now & then... "

Everyday is a new day, it also a new odd, strange & painful experience at different parts of the day. Each passing moment the pain increases to a more unbearable level, now i dnt think i can asked the question "when this will stop" because its still very early stage. . . . But only to know the days ahead will be like tat, every moment the pain unbearable when i know there is no room for savage and that i have to face all the days all alone without the usual person its painful.

Naive as in i still hope or harbour positive view of this, my heart numbs yet pains like mad, knowing no 1 special to care for me anymore, n tat i cant even fight for my things for there is no specific reason given thus have no specific remedies however at end of day is a 2 way traffic that i cant do it alone... Anyway, all along only me wants to think n hope eeverything will revert bsck to happier times. i wish it was all a nightmare but its real now..

Very sad n despair ... the feeling is yet horrible again... tough day again...

2009-05-25T13:17:00.000+08:00

Title: " Im Been Exploited "

I guess it has to be my "kindness" & lack of research on the market rate for job, i dnt understand why every peers that found a job have a much much higher pay then mine, its kind of sad though. I was given an opportunity to say but my own stupidity to thought that rate is lower than wat it is really. its even less than 1.950!! Hai, this is crap, i think i must review my own course after 3 mths!! hahaha..

Whatever la, itsmy own fault in the first place to trust org to pay wat the industry is offering, maybe my job is 2 low level already...

Anyway, lifes kindda a torture everyday, dont understand why 2 truely loving persons have to be doing this, perhaps 1 side is not truely loving ba, tats the only logical arguement. Cause all logical thinkers will not do tat. If any 1 is important u will have work things out but instead the decision to leave is final without inclusion of decision participation on the "problems & solutions" all u hear might be 3rd parties advise n some others but WHY IS IT nv me? ? ? Arent me suppose to be the key role in this r/s??

2009-05-23T16:13:00.001+08:00

Title: " In fact the real reason now is im not worthy enough for u "

Cant help today to reply ur msg, every letters i typed, my heart inched alot, every moment now, i think of the past my tears flows, now n then when i thinks of wat may become my dying heart stops beating....

You r killing me softly, from wat u said today, the reason also partly because i m not worthy of u, if u ever read this blog, do take note there is msg on "ur blog"

Title: " Feeling Terrible "

Cant believe im suffering these problems n pain. Is like hellish, on the overview, the reasons given n impression is like my karma, how i treated Wai Ling, i knew i was a arsehole, maybe im getting the retribution n how she feeling, she survived, i cant forget the pain she had, but i facilitate her process, by been very firm, but like this time, the other party also say feel the pain n is how i felt when i see how much i hurted wai ling that time. BTw wailing is an ex.

But 1 thing im clearer now, she already have no love for me for quite awhile, i think is from the moment i detected n she still can show her "love" n u konw the best part was, 1 hr b4 she broke the news, she still say happy n look forward to see me yesterday nite supposingly, lol... next moment everything gone...!!

Girls are really San Bian and heartless, its really a waste FOR me, for her is a gd thing, she wanted it all along i guess, hehe..

Woo-hoo, the feeling of killing softly.. Sorry anyone reading, is my emo- ness again ...

bye is 507pm in office..

2009-05-23T12:42:00.000+08:00

Title: " All was an excuse i guess "

I was too good? Too Nice? I deserve better?? Come on girls out there, please use a better reason to ditch someone ok? Lol, Attend R&D course to be more innovative rather than using those "excessive" kind words to end a r/s... Lol, guess everyone in my family was pretty sad too, mum & dad also, i lost a girl tat i thought loves me, my parents lost a "daughter" they care n bonded with.

But no 1 blames anyone, is my fault to be too "nice" lol, i was certainly not good enough, girls perspective was usually girls have better choice n more suitable then do this de, nvm la, girls prefer guys tat cheats n bad guys n those tat rich, drives. . . . No choice, girls been girls (typically, i didnt say all hor!! lol so dont all come slaughter me) Tough period for me, but since i know u live ur life to the fullest n to the best n happily, i think i should try harder to do tat rather than dwelling.

Like i mentioned, i guess i not like u all so temporal so fast can be happy, like 1 song name "Ai tuo shen shan tuo shen", so i think i need awhile sadly, tomorrow is the first sunday, i dnt konw how i can survive actually, but i will prevail i guess

http://creamiest-creamyncookiest-cookies.blogspot.com/

2009-05-23T12:00:00.000+08:00

Title: " I thought u were really because of... "

I think im still a silly guy who still thinks u really loves me, but i think u dont @ all, but it doesnt really matters now also, life be a messed now but i konw u lives even better now, i will try live as good as u, got time then read my letter for u @ the blog i promise to show u when everythings over... :)

2009-05-22T16:43:00.000+08:00

Title: " Timers says..."

The counter that count down says i have 70 days more...but it came off earlier than i expected... that u ended it today. 22nd May 2009, lucky i got u the last present for our 21st mth... I did what i can leow :) thanks...

2009-05-22T16:17:00.003+08:00

Title: " Shock - Despair - Pain - Unjustified "

Radical Change in my life, That Fortune Teller is indeed powerful!!. . . .Thanks.... Today's marks the da y i know wat is happening in Iraq, bomb explosion.... A bomb was exploded, but its a new kind of bomb, a type of bomb that will damage ur vital parts slowly, slowly until u have no feelings, briefly is call killing me softly, my heart will go numb.

Lots of unspoken words, lots of planning made, all i deserved was the painful truth, to ditch me because pple asked u to?? What about my contributions?? haha

Today i can release the hidden blog i wrote for her n i kept it a secret till the day she call it quits, no body cares anyway, is all me now...

http://creamiest-creamyncookiest-cookies.blogspot.com/

My mind n heart is blank suddenly.... shall update again ba.

About the Blog:

This blog design i specially chose many yrs back, it even has a countdown timer, when the clock stops, its when u leave, i not sure what the time says now but my clock stops, everything freezed in my life.... This blog was created anticipating n with the vision of ur departure whichi foresee after u graduate, my phopehcy indeed came true...

2009-05-22T13:30:00.001+08:00

since you been gone

Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long, til I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you now I get what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you now I get what I want
Since you been gone

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you been gone (since you been gone)
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know, that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone
Since you been gone
Since you been gone

2009-05-22T12:11:00.001+08:00

i don't give

every time you go away
it actually kinda makes my day
every time you leave, you slam the door
you pick your words so carefully
you hate to think you're hurtin' me
you leave me laughing on the floor,'cuz-
i don't give it up,
i don't give a shit what you say about that
you know-
i don't give a damn
i don't give a shit
i don't give a shit what you say about that
you know-
i'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
a guy who thinks he's all that
i thought we were just hangin' out (hangin' out)
so why'd you kiss me on the mouth?
you thought the way you taste would get me high-(oh)
you went to all your friends to brag (to brag)
guys are always such a drag (a drag)
don't you know the reason the reason that i kissed you was to say good-bye?
'cuz i don't give it up
i don't give a shit what you say about that
you know-
i don't give a damn
i don't give a shit
i don't give a shit what you say about that
you know-
i'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
a guy who thinks he's all that
hangin', hangin' out; i am simply
hangin', hangin' out; i am simply
hangin'... so why'd you kiss me on the mouth?(why'd you kiss me)
don't you know that i-
i don't give a damn about you
i won't give it up, not for you
i don't give a damn about you
i won't give it up, not for you
i'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
a guy who thinks he's all that
i don't give a damn
i don't give a shit
i don't give a damn (i don't give it up)
what you say about that (i don't give a damn)
i don't give it up (i don't give it up)
i don't give a damn ( i don't give a damn)
what you say about that (i- i- what you say)

2009-05-22T09:48:00.000+08:00

如果我变成回忆

累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中不听话的就停止了
听着呼吸像浪潮摆动着
越美丽越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏都难掌握
如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心
如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你我不怪你
快乐什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的最舍不得
如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心
如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你
如果我变成回忆最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气霸占你心里每一寸空隙
要让依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平请你尽力把我忘记

2009-05-22T09:46:00.001+08:00

爱多深痛多久

那句话终于开了口
幸福还没让我尝够
眼泪就快要忍不住
眼泪怎么会忍不住
一起的沿途
没有想象中的快乐
甜蜜也是屈指可数
不想自己回忆太多
可痛又怎么忍的住
从前我一直不服输
现在我不得不服输
你宣告结束
画面痛的太过清楚
连最后的可能都被排除
爱多深痛多久
心越痛泪越流
流到你走以后
剩我一个人舔伤口
爱多深痛多久
越痛越不放手
等你走远以后
剩我一个人
爱了太久
不想自己回忆太多
可痛又怎么忍的住
从前我一直不服输
现在我不得不服输
你宣告结束
画面痛的太过清楚
连最后的可能都被排除
爱多深痛多久
心越痛泪越流
流到你走以后
剩我一个人舔伤口
爱多深痛多久
越痛越不放手
等你走远以后
剩我一个人
爱了太久
我一直相信深爱是永恒的理由
离开的借口是爱的不够
爱多深痛多久
心越痛泪越流
流到你走以后
剩我一个人舔伤口
爱多深痛多久
越痛越不放手
等你走远以后
剩我一个人
爱了太久

2009-05-22T09:36:00.000+08:00

可不可以爱我

可不可以爱我
为什麽如此的安静
为什麽明明想靠近却还在迟疑
努力的我保持镇定
努力开拓话题
最後却溃不成军
为什麽如此的美丽
深刻的烙在心里最温柔的酷刑
每一天无法不想你
连闭上眼睛
怎麽都是你
你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过
告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑能告一段落
你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我
反正看或不看我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德
拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我
快乐还是寂寞
为什麽如此的美丽
深刻的烙在心里最温柔的酷刑
每一天无法不想你
连闭上眼睛
怎麽都是你
你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过
告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑能告一段落
你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我
反正看或不看我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德
拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我快乐还是寂寞
想念燃烧个不停
我快置身灰烬
你是我的呼吸
你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过
告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑能告一段落
你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我
我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德
拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我能给我什麽
快乐还是寂寞

2009-05-22T09:31:00.002+08:00

凌晨的眼泪

那一夜我一个人喝醉
喝空了所有的酒杯
我在迷茫中昏昏欲睡
结束了和她的暧昧

那一夜我一个人疲惫
斩断了红尘的思维
我在麻木后抖落尘灰
可昨天的爱依然在尘雾里飞

凌晨的眼泪伤心的眼泪
滴滴灼伤了贯穿了我的心扉
在你的心里到底还有谁
让你轻易的放弃了爱的绝对

凌晨的眼泪伤心的眼泪
滴滴渗透了滋润着你的虚伪
已不再奢求多爱的机会
希望黎明之前
能够把自己找回

那一夜我一个人疲惫
斩断了红尘的思维
我在麻木后抖落尘灰
可昨天的爱依然在尘雾里飞

凌晨的眼泪伤心的眼泪
滴滴灼伤了贯穿了我的心扉
在你的心里到底还有谁
让你轻易的放弃了爱的绝对

凌晨的眼泪伤心的眼泪
滴滴渗透了滋润着你的虚伪
已不再奢求多爱的机会
希望黎明之前能够把自己找回

凌晨的眼泪心的眼泪
滴滴灼伤了贯穿了我的心扉
在你的心里到底还有谁
让你轻易的放弃了爱的绝对

凌晨的眼泪心的眼泪
滴滴渗透了滋润着你的虚伪
已不再奢求多爱的机会
希望黎明之前
能够把自己找回

2009-05-21T02:07:00.000+08:00

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯时间在旁闷不吭声寂寞下手毫无分寸
不懂得轻重之分沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看著凌晨黄昏你的身影失去平衡慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端无法存活在真实的空间
想回到过去试著抱你在怀里羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界，想在你梦的画面
祇要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜想回到过去试著让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧这样挽留不知还来不来得及想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡著回忆播放盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁

2009-04-20T23:43:00.002+08:00

Title: " Love Are't Enough "

Im having my very own KTV session in my room!! Blasting my CD !! Yes no kidding im retro, use CD..!! Lol..

Whole day didnt study, have a terrible back injury & till i got the news about 2 + i knew im totally affected... Dilemma!!

I totally lost it now, now tat nothing seems more important then to buy myself time to recover n study?

The two dont seems to work hand in hand.. I got no time study, no mood either..

I just wished i have a time machine thats goes forward in time oh oh, ya ya, something like "The Click" hehehe...(
God save me !! :P

2009-04-20T22:08:00.002+08:00

Title: " The clock says .."

Today is 21st April 2009, the countdown clock says 102 days 1hr 49 mins left... thats about 3 mths left? haha.. perhaps tats the day decision is gonna made....

If i have 102 days left, what can it be?? I wonder... I will treasure every moment that is left... :)

2009-04-20T21:48:00.002+08:00

Title: " Mixed Feelings"

8 days to first paper, and im here emoing but i have no choice this time, it all make sense now tat y am i emo-ing lately.

Will u be if u know ur love one is leaving overseas now from 3 weeks to 3 years? hahaha.... Now it make sense already, im pretty helpless here. Im giving unbiased advise but it fall on death ears, because im not the influencer of her.

I actually got a blog written for her, cause 1 yr plus ago, i predicted she will leave for aust & me, now the blog will soon be brought to light, i very long didnt go to tat blog, but i knew i have the timer ticking over there to reflect how much time left.

Of course now i felt totally lost here, helpless that i can only open eye wide n see her leave for good. . . . . Didnt know its so painful, juggling exams stress, and with both coming into play, im going "down" soon...Really very xin ku.

True to my advise that its the real thoughts n analyse, i have not been bias about the advises, thought i dnt wan u leave but what can i do? im just a Boyfren, nth else ... but u r everything to me...

2009-03-28T20:19:00.002+08:00

Title: " Two days of displeased back to back "

Was wondering why these two days there were so many unhappiness and realisations yet again. Day 1 was misunderstanding among group members, day 2 was even more heart pain.

These 2 days, things just didnt go smooth or well for me.

Lets focus on day 2, Saturday 28th March 2009, 1 month before exams, guess what im doing!!
DOING NOTHING RELATED TO STUDYING!! WHT!!! I DNT KNOW whats happening to me, i jus dont know.. *argh*

Anyway, today woke up about 1130, rushing to TCC @ SEah St for GM assignment, lately very lost, wednesday presentation dont really know waht to do yet, kidda very lost. damn!! im in deep shits!! haha

However, the "highlight" of the day was actually how when i needed help, im really lost. . . I realised AS USUAL when i needed help, no 1 is there for me, this instance was because my HP was disconnected n hope to get some "internal" help, but made 4 calls, BUT I GUESS THEY ALL "happen" to be "gathering" at the foyeR?? y??Y? IT IS BECAUSE THEY CLAIM they jus finsihed worked? whahahahahah They are RAymond Teo & Wennjet!! Come on, is so obvious from ur tone, u all just not willing to help. I wasnt tat bad to u all when i was working in Singtel, especiall wenjet, quite disappinted, of cse i know is all ur rights to deny helping, so is my entitled to "bitch" here!!!

Day 1 i "found out" we are classmates, Day 2 i found out wwe ex colleagues!!?? Got my meaning? Anyway, doesnt matter, msg candy for cherrie's number, kanna "fuck" upside down by her!! What a mean Bit*h!! Watever loh, dnt help jsu say, scold pple, when i was in singtel u asked for my helped, i jus helped.

As for Jzee, i asked u help, but u claim u are diff call centre now? yes u r right, u shift from 1626 to 1606, come on, all these are jus excuses not to help, i used tat on cust. b4, why treat me like a fool??

Few days back, asked Yusof n wen yi to help some checking, till now no response, yusof even best, my number auto rejected.

SO today, i learnt, i no longer can call into call centre like billing to dispute, i chged my attituded totally not cus of them, because I USED TO RELY on connections, i guess nope. I should practice wat i preach also, i used to tell pple not to reply on pple n tat to see this world are all selfish pple, only ur true love 1 will be able to help u when u in need. Today i got a reminder of my preaching, i will remember how disappointed n heart pain, how i was treated. The more painful part is, wenjett, he got no true exuse ba, because i used to help him, gave him ice cream when i bring to work etc. . . .but the excuse he gave was really saddening how this world is so realistic.....

A lesson to learn nonetheless, i totoally lose hope n trust in man & womankind in this world...

i still got myany days of been alone, didnt wan to think, because she is jus a temporal, as expected only first few days, but at least yesterday i realised her attittude when i was doing my things @ home... IT FURTHER supports how normal am i!! hahah!!

I really wonder when will this world really be a better place!!!

2009-03-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

Title: "Possessive as in possessive??"

As you wished, your wishes and "freedom" has been reinstated, may u find what u seeking in life, ur nite life, ur frens, ur everything u wan but not us... Is alright, our quarrels had escalated to a point where i been quoted as possessive... And i think so unfair that im been slam with the title = possessive, that i went to deo some research what is define as possessive, see below:

pos⋅ses⋅sive /pəˈzɛsɪv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [puh-zes-iv] Show IPA
–adjective 1. jealously opposed to the personal independence of, or to any influence other than one's own upon, a child, spouse, etc.
2. desirous of possessing, esp. excessively so: Young children are so possessive they will not allow others to play with their toys; a possessive lover.
3. of or pertaining to possession or ownership.
4. Grammar. a. indicating possession, ownership, origin, etc. His in his book is a possessive adjective. His in The book is his is a possessive pronoun.
b. noting or pertaining to a case that indicates possession, ownership, origin, etc., as, in English, John's in John's hat.

–noun Grammar. 5. the possessive case.
6. a form in the possessive.

Source:(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/possessive)

You want frens, want this tat, i give u, there is only 1 think i thought we had pass over n gotten with, but is only in the background, now u want to be able go nite outing as and when u like, the only part i find it hard to apprehend, but nonetheless, im alright, the first training u already given me on tuesday till 6 am just smoking n chatting with another guy fren..

Now u r fighting for ur freedom to be able be with anyone late @ nite, & wanting me to not be unhappy n perfectly happy, tat 2 days when u unhappy with me for playing MJ, are u able to endure? u cant right? So same goes to me ba, mine i still rushed back by 12am like a cinederlla, cus i knew someone's waiting, inside me, someones is there i know, but i understand y u unhappy but i also hong u, but u jus now mention u tired to need hong me... hahahaha

So is it obviously u wan me give u everything u wan, & even doing things i dnt like or not encourage and wan me be happy? hhaha.. can can i can, but pls give me time to absorb it, i try my best to give u everything, even if i dnt like, i quietly hide 1 coner ok? hehehe...

Have fun!!!

Regards,
Ming Fan Gu Gua Xing

2009-03-12T19:00:00.001+08:00

Title: " Kiss "

2009-03-12T18:26:00.002+08:00

Title: " Happy XXth Mth Anniversary to my very own R/S"

Hahaha.. i wanted to send via Email to her for my greetings cause i know, w/o me msging her, she would forget, and if i were to say her on the hp, she will sure deny n say she rem and as expected she say she remember and n knew i would say her, but if remember and anticipate i would say u, isnt it rational to be the first mover. Is lucky i didnt have my w660i tat i able to send mms via hp to email.

Irregardless, i see alot couples have differences, they tried hard to resolve, try to make compromises, but my r/s i afraid is about a choice, about choosing 1 or another... n .. nvm..

Hai... anyway, jus like the movie " He's just not that into you", it mentions how guy will so tactfully say nice things to end the r/s, but i suddenly so disagree, cus i know, someone will use it on me like " i dnt wan see u so heart pain and dnmt u so xin gu, blah blah, all are excuses, to hide the love the is gone, n to pursue for it, if love is gone, pls be like me have the courage to bluntly tell pple in the past, though i made enemies but tat is really better than i left them mid air...

anyway, doesnt really matter, each day i m living in despair, dejected, aimless, hopeless and nth to look forward too,,,, i once thought there was a future, YES INDEED There is, but a future on my own...

yup & till 6am, actually thought of going to find u today but i guess i wont le... got something but i think is ptless la, so i just let the box of thingy thaat we first had on the brigde to self-destruct...

KAM BA TEI!!!

2009-03-10T15:19:00.002+08:00

Title: "不要再想你,不要再爱你"

不要再想你,不要再爱你
让时间悄悄的飞逝,抹去我俩的回忆
对于你的名字,从今不会再提起
不再让悲伤,将我心占据
让它随风去,让它无痕迹
所有快乐悲伤所有过去通通都抛去
心中想的念的盼的望的不会再是你
不愿再承受,要把你忘记
我会擦去我不小心滴下的泪水
还会装做一切都无所谓
将你和我的爱情全部敲碎
再将它通通赶出我受伤的心扉
不愿再承受,我把你忘记
你会看见的,把你忘记
我想到了一个忘记温柔的你的方法:
我不要再想你,不要再爱你
不会再提起,我的生命中,不曾有你

2009-03-09T18:26:00.000+08:00

Title: "Just like this?"

Wow indeed this year not really tat good for me, have no idea how cum is so bad, i lost my job, n gonna lost another impt thing in my life. Losing the job is bad enough, losing the "pillar" i thought was mine is even a greater blow.

Feeling pretty down now, oh not mentioning my hp was spoiled, i guess now the chessplayer is just waiting for another "chessplayer" or new pawn" b4 displacing me... but is ok, cus i know end of day i had put in everything... i be sad, i cant lie n say im feel good, i be handling it well, cus tats self-denial.

But what i can say is, i be very sad, depress, i dnt konw how much time i need, i jsu hope i be "pardoned" from a long term saddness... I have not done anything tat critical to sentence me n "us" to death sentence..

Anyway, i wish myself speedy recovery, i will try hard.....now u wan freedom, i give u all u want ba, what more can i have to say in a "top-down", rigid, mechanistic approach? Im jsut @ operative level while u r @ the senior mgt... :"")

2009-03-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

Title: " Embrace Impact "

Wow, is really how xing gu, i realised im in a game of chess, any kind of chess board. Im the pawn & she is the player moving the pawn. Didnt know after compromising so much, is still now enough to satisfy ur "passion" to go out @ nite, because of that u wanna jeopardise us...

So where's the value of the r/s? Perhaps, i never created the value for us, i did what i can, u wan more time with ur frens, normal hours u go i nv say a thing... just because u wan freedom to do anything @ middle of nite, u wan to risk us? hahah.. is kind of a comical saddness engulfing within me. when u sms me jus now about all those sms, i guess our r/s is not in ur thought after all....

All these while i thought u were true, but no matter wat compromises i made or what i tried, is nv gonna enough...

.....

Feeling horrible...

2009-03-09T17:14:00.000+08:00

Title: "Little Not over you"

Is kind of sad, things are always falling so sudden upon me. . . . News that i guess long ago but always trying to cover up n trust but eventually what i felt became a reality.

How can i apprehend the truth? I had build vision of us, but only to realise, im not who u want, n im just going to be a passerby in ur life... Sometimes life so unfair, i the 1 who taught pple the valuable lesson but only to benefit others in the end..

Your going to be away n gone soon, n my future plans for us has now a plan i ONCE hope it be for us, now is only left of me...

2009-03-09T16:02:00.003+08:00

Title: ""

2009-03-09T15:41:00.001+08:00

Title: "The Regrets"

Is so silly sometime when u think someone might know how to treasure things but many times, we underestimate ourselves.

When i asked "what do u regret" if the reply is simply "i regret misleading who i am really is" w/o the actual reason as the regrets, we all know tat the issue is not settle n it nv will...

I guess u have made a choice leow right?? Thx again ba..

2009-03-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

我心里也有的忐忑
时间跟我说会好的
决心放好了这一次非你不可
oh.....no~~~~
若这不是爱那有过的是什么
寂寞时你像个贝壳
闭上眼你倔强地捂住双耳
背对背地坐着我们用沉默在拉扯
看谁的泪先输到饱和
爱我时你不够严格
总忘了能够牵手多么难得
我不怕生命有挫折不怕回忆会有皱折
唯有你说要放弃我不愿附和
你心里有多少忐忑
交给我去用力抱着
双手还有热或许能唤起你的不舍
有一天我们伤的心会愈合
心里的忐忑
抱着慢慢就会好的
感动都有了还有什么不认可
oh.....no~~~~
不准我们把爱给走成了坎坷
多少恋人不费唇舌
在一起却说服彼此不适合
我懂得生命有沼泽懂得爱会失去光泽
只是在你怀里是快乐的抉择
你心里有多少忐忑
交给我去用力抱着
双手还有热或许能唤起你的不舍
有一天我们伤的心会愈合
心里的忐忑
抱着慢慢就会好的
感动都有了还有什么不认可
oh.....no~~~~
不准我们把爱给走成了坎坷
我心里也有的忐忑
曾经你也勇敢抱着
思念还有歌唱着我无法对你割舍
相信我们哀伤的心会愈合
心里的忐忑
时间跟我说会好的
决心放好了这一次非你不可
若这不是爱那有过的是什么

2009-03-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

谁问我谁劝我
我并没有不快乐
日子没有不同
在你离开以后
我没哭我没说
伪装自己的沉默
回忆是一段影片
我独自看完又重头
我爱你很多
多到不怕寂寞
多到忘记了时间
远走了却没带走我
我想你很多
所以才选择守候
我们坚持过
到现在
我还是记得
爱你很多
谁问我谁劝我
我并没有不快乐
自己好好的过
也对得起你了
那一刻两个人
永远不会再来过
爱情是一条虚线
我们在不同的段落
我爱你很多
多到不怕寂寞
多到忘记了时间
远走了却没带走我
我想你很多
所以才选择守候
我们坚持过
到现在
我还是记得
爱你很多
我爱你很多
多到不怕寂寞
多到忘记了时间
远走了却没带走我
我想你很多
这些话始终没说
若能再问候
请给我一直的笑容
我爱你很多

2009-03-08T01:09:00.000+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Disappointment
Looked down on
Commitment
Death
Where Your life is Going
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2009-02-19T22:48:00.005+08:00

Title: " No Error on previous Entries "

Nope there is no error on previous entries, 23rd March to 15th April 2009

2009-02-19T22:48:00.001+08:00

23rd March to 15th April 2009

Bon Voyage!!!

2009-02-19T22:47:00.000+08:00

Title: "23rd March to 15th April 2009"

23rd March to 15th April 2009

2009-02-14T10:48:00.002+08:00

Title: Best of the best of 天国的阶梯(Stairway to Heaven)

Good song and good drama, i went to the place where the indoor amusement park is, human brain is really so so so sophiscaticated !! I remember watching this drama ...

2009-02-10T01:28:00.000+08:00

Title: " Kiss "

2009-01-23T17:41:00.001+08:00

太多愛不明不白
我還在分手的那一天原地徘徊
太多事不明不白
不明白怎麼笑著走出來
不要對我再說愛
你回來
可是過去再也回不來
不要對我再說愛
我還在鞦韆上来回搖擺
太多人不明不白
我不想重新開始後還想著原來
太多人不必等待
我不能替你確定的未來
不要對我再說愛
你回來
可是過去回不來
不要對我再說愛
我還在鞦韆上來回搖擺
oh......~ya~ya
不要對我再說愛
我坦白
一直忘不了原來
不要對我再說愛
我害怕
我們再受到傷害
ya~不要對我再說愛
你回來
可是過去回不來
不要對我再說愛
就讓我
一個人靜靜搖擺
一段愛從不明白
到明白
我的眼淚才慢慢流出來

2009-01-23T13:19:00.001+08:00

Title: "When you believe"

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
(Oh)
And it's easy to give in to your fears
(Oh...Ohhhh)
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief
(Ohhh)

There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill
(Hard to kill, Ohhh)
Who know what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe

You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believeeeeeeeeeee

2009-01-23T12:34:00.002+08:00

Title: " Yes, I DID IT AGAIN!!! "

From Victim to Villian, is me, i cant understand why from victim i can become the Villian!!

Woo-Hoo..

2009-01-22T15:06:00.001+08:00

2009-01-22T11:40:00.001+08:00

Title: " Second Class Priorty "

Is just a reflection of been 2nd class citizen, what difference does it make between me and some minority in this world? Come on, im leaving in a DEVELOPED country, not some Third world country!!!

I'm Jealous & envious, why some can gain "backroom redcarpet " treatment and access to ur heart, wheras, i'm trying like mad dog, to get that treatment but all i got is a class higher, a second class with all effort i done...

The type of resentness and injustice just unbearable, all it need is her to suggest u going to Perth, visualising the senario of shopping, high tea in Aust. when not meeting his BF there,
THATS ALL THE BLOODY HELL takes for u to CHANGE, CHANGED CHANGED ur bloody mind n u wan go now!! hahaha...

hahahahaha

THIS IS so irritating!!!

I hope for the better in my new Ox Year!!!

2009-01-22T11:28:00.000+08:00

Song Title: 别对我太好

故事开始是有些意外
因为当初我们都太轻率
我们都只是怕一再被寂寞青睐
我想我始终都能明白
不会有王子公主的将来
却又太自私胆小不敢说分开
所以别对我太好
别在我心里面留下记号
你的温柔已有新的味道我知道
别对我太好别让我想走也走不掉
每次鼓起勇气想转身逃跑
都输在你轻轻的一个拥抱
别对我太好给那些承诺其实你做不到
别假装我对你还有多重要
我有多痛你知道
你知道你知道

Have u wonder why someone will ask u 别对我太好 ?? Is when this r/s 不会有王子公主的将来 !!
I was asked b4, and always know y and now i knew better!! hahaha!